Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, It’s over and I am leaving.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn’t seem to work.
I definitely noticed your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I decided not to comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!
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Cillian Murphy Is Rumored to Be the Next James Bond, but People Are Disappointed
A replacement for Daniel Craig as James Bond has been tough to find, but a new star has joined the race and is a strong contender. It’s none other than Cillian Murphy, who became Hollywood’s most desired man after his Oscar-winning performance in Oppenheimer. However, many disagree that he’d be a good choice to play the renowned character and here’s why.
As per The Sun, Cillian’s portrayal of J. Robert Oppenheimer has grabbed the attention of Bond executives, who are actively seeking Daniel’s successor. An insider mentioned that «Cillian is the toast of Hollywood right now, and this would be the ultimate role.»
But it wouldn’t just be a plus for the actor. The same source says it could benefit the franchise as well. «This is a way to elevate the Bond franchise with an actor who is at the very top of his game.»
But, although James Bond producer Barbara Broccoli has been closely monitoring Cillian for the past year, there is still some time for a decision as production on the 26th Bond movie is not expected to start until late 2025.
There’s no lack of support from Cillian’s co-star, Clay Bunker, who is publicly rooting for the Irish actor to take on the role of 007. «He would fare beautifully. It’s funny because Cillian is the nicest human, but he has that dark side and there’s a darkness to Bond,» he said. «We forget that sometimes Bond is like the character [Ian] Fleming created — a pretty dark character. He just happens to be on the side that we call good. Cillian has that ability to tap into that.»
Unfortunately, not everyone online agrees with Bunker. Some users have expressed their disappointment in the fact that Cillian is even running for the part. «He’s almost 50! You need someone young who will be able to last through multiple movies. Someone like Jacob Elordi,» one person commented. And others share the same sentiment, adding, «I like him, and he’s a great actor, but he is not Bond by any stretch of the imagination.»
Still, there are fans who would be thrilled to see it happen. «I think he’d be perfect. Bond is a cold, calculating spy, actually. If Cillian decided to take on the role, he would give an exceptional performance, as always,» someone wrote.
And the people have not only spoken, they’ve also voted! Through an online voting poll, thousands of James Bond fans expressed what actor they’d most like to see portray James Bond next, and the results are in. Click here to see the ranking.
Preview photo credit East News, Vianney Le Caer/Invision/East News
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