According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
Man Leaves His Pregnant Wife, Makes Big Mistake – Story of the Day
A man left his pregnant wife because he didn’t want to “waste his life” looking after a child. But life taught him a vital lesson, and he quickly came to regret his actions.
Brandon and Mary were head over heels in love and got married soon after graduating from college. For the first few years of their marriage, everything seemed to be working perfectly.
Brandon was an adoring husband, and he would never say no to Mary for anything. Soon, Mary announced she was pregnant, and Brandon’s happiness knew no bounds. However, with time, he began to overthink things.
His colleagues would joke that he should bid goodbye to his life since he would have to look after the baby constantly and give up everything. But they wouldn’t just stop there.
Brandon began overthinking and stressing about his wife’s pregnancy. | Photo: Shutterstock
They would take special care to note how their wives looked terrible after having babies. Sentences like “My wife got so big” and “I have a giant elephant waiting for me at home” would be a common part of their conversation.
All these discussions played the same role in Brandon’s overthinking as gasoline does in a fire, and Brandon started thinking that looking after a child would mean sacrificing everything and wasting his life. So one day, he returned early from work and went straight to Mary to convince her to terminate the pregnancy.
“I don’t want to have this child, Mary,” he said as he approached her.
Mary was stunned. “Honey, what’s wrong? Did someone say anything to you?”
Brandon began convincing Mary to terminate the pregnancy. | Photo: Pexels
“Nothing like that, Mary,” he said after pausing for a while. “I don’t think I’m ready to become a dad yet.”
Mary started laughing. “Oh God, Brandon. It’s okay. New parents are often anxious about whether they’ll be able to look after their children properly. You know what they say, right? You are never ready to become parents. When you finally have the little one is when you realize what being a parent feels.”
“No, Mary, I’m serious,” Brandon responded firmly. “I don’t want this child.”
Mary held Brandon’s hand and calmly said, “Honey, you’re stressed right now. Let’s talk about it some other day, okay?”
But Brandon jerked his hand out of Mary’s and began yelling. “Can’t you understand what I said? I DON’T WANT TO BECOME A DAD!”
Brandon lashed out at Mary | Photo: Pexels
At this point, even Mary lost her cool. “Brandon, stop acting like a kid. You were so happy when I told you about the pregnancy. What happened suddenly? Is it one of your stupid friends advising you that you shouldn’t have this child?”
“It doesn’t matter who’s telling me what. I don’t want to waste my life and change diapers. I want to enjoy my life while I’m young, so we are not having this baby,” Brandon said sternly.
“Brandon, I’m repeating myself,” Mary said in a firm tone. “Please calm down, for God’s sake. I won’t let you make a stupid decision just because of what your friends think, okay?”
“Who the hell do you think you are to decide what I should be doing?” Brandon said furiously. “Keep the child if you want it, but I’m not going to waste my life with that jerk!”
Brandon refused to take responsibility for the child. | Photo: Pexels
Mary took a step forward and slapped Brandon right in his face. “Don’t you dare utter a word about my child!” she said angrily.
“Fine. Keep that child. But I’m leaving you right now!” Brandon yelled. And within the next ten minutes, he packed all his belongings and left the house.
Mary couldn’t believe what had happened just now. A few days back, Brandon was so excited about becoming a dad, and then there was today when he said out loud that he didn’t want to have the child. She was devastated, to say the least. Nevertheless, she decided to keep the baby and raise it by herself.
Mary was devastated when Brandon left her. | Photo: Pexels
Years went by. Mary was now living happily with her eight-year-old son. Brandon’s life, on the other hand, just became more miserable.
His coworkers frequently went on vacations with their families and spent weekends with their children, but Brandon was all alone. His recent girlfriend had dumped him for another man, and frankly, Brandon didn’t feel like dating anyone.
He wanted to get back with Mary. He wanted to enjoy family life. He had even tried to contact her several times, but Mary didn’t return his calls or texts.
However, one day, their paths crossed again … only to make Brandon realize how wrong he was to leave his pregnant wife.
Mary was living happily with her son. | Photo: Pexels
It was a Friday evening. Brandon was sitting in the park watching other kids play and thinking about his child, who would have grown up like them too. Suddenly, he heard a voice from behind. When he turned back to see who it was, he spotted a boy standing there holding a short stick.
“Would you mind getting my paper plane for me?” he asked Brandon. “It’s stuck on the tree, and I can’t reach it.”
Brandon gave him a pleasant smile and quickly removed the plane from the tree and gave it to him.
The boy gave Brandon a pleasant smile and thanked him for the help. | Photo: Pexels
“Thank you,” the boy replied with a friendly grin.
“It’s okay. Have fun,” Brandon said, moving his hands over the boy’s silk hair.
The boy then ran over to a lady. “Mom, see, I got my plane back,” he told her.
“That’s really brave of you, Aaron,” the lady replied. “Come, let’s go home now.”
Brandon kept looking at Mary and Aaron as they walked away. | Photo: Pexels
When Brandon looked closely at her, he couldn’t believe his eyes. The woman … she was none other than Mary. She looked as beautiful as before, or maybe more attractive, Brandon thought to himself.
He kept looking at them; they seemed really happy together. For one moment, he felt like running over to them and hugging them, but before he could decide what to do, Mary grabbed Aaron’s hand and walked away.
Aaron turned to look at Brandon while leaving and waved goodbye. But Brandon just stood there with tears streaming down his face, thinking how unlucky he was to abandon such a lovely family.
What can we learn from this story?
- Overthinking can lead to disaster. Brandon began overthinking and urged Mary to terminate the pregnancy after hearing from his colleagues about how their lives had become horrible once their spouses became pregnant.
- Nobody can beat a mother’s love for her child. When Brandon abandoned Mary, she was heartbroken. However, she chose to keep the child and raise him on her own.
Share this story with your friends. It might inspire people to share their own stories or to help someone else.
If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about a man who fat shames his wife but regrets his actions when karma strikes back.
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