According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
My MIL and Mom Thought Setting My Husband and Me up with Our Exes Was a Great Idea but They Had No Idea What They Started — Story of the Day
I thought my marriage was solid until my MIL invited my husband’s ex to his birthday. Before I could react, my mom set me up with mine. I walked into a disaster I never saw coming—and that was just the beginning.
I always thought Alex and I had the perfect balance in our marriage. We weren’t one of those couples who fought over scattered socks or a coffee cup left on the table.
Our arguments never lasted more than an hour, and even then, they felt more like a warm-up for new jokes.
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I had my own café—a small, cozy place where people could sit with a book, enjoy a homemade dessert, and escape the city’s chaos. Alex sometimes joked that my cappuccinos would bankrupt him, I knew he was proud of me.
Everything was great… until he came home with a strange smile one day.
I was scrolling through my phone when he sat down next to me and, almost proudly, announced:
“You won’t believe who Mom and I ran into today while we were out.”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
By “out,” he meant dragging his mother around to buy things she absolutely didn’t need—a monthly ritual of theirs. A mother-and-son tradition.
Sounds nice, right?
And it would be… if MIL, Cynthia, didn’t turn those shopping trips into a full-scale circus performance, juggling antique trinkets that would later gather dust in her china cabinet.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
But Alex endured it all. Because, well, it was Mom.
“Aliens?” I smiled, pulling myself out of my thoughts about Cynthia.
“Amanda.”
My fingers froze over the screen. I slowly lifted my gaze.
“That Amanda?”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
“Yeah.”
Amanda. His ex. The love of his youth. The girl who once thought she was “the one and only” in his life.
“Where did you run into her?”
“At a café.”
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It was an unpleasant coincidence, but I exhaled. It happens. Just a random encounter.
“And how was the coffee?” I asked, lacing my voice with sarcasm.
“Oh, amazing! Because it was your café.”
“Oh, I’m so glad Amanda liked it. Makes opening it all worthwhile.”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
He nodded, completely missing my point.
“Oh, Mom was thrilled! They hadn’t seen each other in so long. And, well…”
“And what?”
“She invited her to my Birthday party.”
Fantastic. Just what I needed. Why couldn’t life stay the way it is?
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“Oh, your mother is really on fire.”
“Babe, you’re not jealous, are you?”
The tea had already boiled over in my hand.
“Of course not. And what did you say to that?”
“Well… I couldn’t exactly say no. That would’ve been rude.”
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I wanted to scream: And did you think about asking ME?!”
But instead, I silently exhaled, swallowing the mix of emotions brewing inside me.
“Babe, don’t worry so much. It’s just a party. Just a guest.”
Is he really that naive, or is he just pretending?
I had a bad feeling about that. And, as it would turn out later, I was absolutely right.
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***
Alex’s birthday was always an event. Not because he cared much about celebrating. He would have been pleased with a quiet dinner and a slice of cake.
No, the real mastermind behind these annual extravaganzas was Cynthia, his mother.
For her, that was a grand showcase. A carefully curated spectacle. A chance to prove to the world she could throw a party magnificent.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
I tried to prepare myself mentally, but nothing could have truly prepared me for what I saw when I stepped into the backyard.
There she was. Amanda.
She looked even better than I remembered. Moreover, she was seamlessly integrated into the party as if she had never left Alex’s life.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
They were standing side by side in front of a giant birthday cake.
What’s happening?
And then I saw the contest.
Of course, Cynthia had organized some ridiculous, over-the-top game. Alex and Amanda were paired in a “Who Can Eat Their Cake Faster Without Using Their Hands?” challenge.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
I wanted to turn away. But I couldn’t.
Amanda laughed too hard, tilting her head down as Alex tried to beat her to the first bite. The whole thing looked… ridiculously playful.
“Oh, isn’t that adorable?” someone cooed behind me.
I turned my head slowly. It was my mother. Perfect timing.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
“Adorable?” I repeated, barely concealing my irritation.
“Well, they do look very… comfortable together.”
I swallowed my retort.
“Anyway,” she continued, “I ran into someone interesting the other day.”
I didn’t care. I didn’t want to care. But she knew me too well.
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“Who?”
“Nick.”
I turned my head fully toward her.
“You mean my ex?”
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“Oh, don’t look so shocked, sweetheart.” She waved a dismissive hand. “You know, he’s doing exceptionally well these days. Owns his own company. Has some high-profile clients. And…”
“Please tell me you didn’t invite him to this party.”
She laughed. “Of course not! That would be inappropriate.”
I exhaled in relief.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
“But,” she added, too casually, “he’s actually looking for a place to host networking events for his clients. And I thought, you know… your café might be perfect.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying—maybe you should meet with him. Discuss business. Make a smart move for your café.”
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“I don’t need his help.”
“Are you sure? I mean, look at Alex.”
I didn’t want to. But I did. And there it was: Amanda, laughing with my husband, holding a huge black cake I’d ordered for him.
I felt my irritation spike to a dangerous level.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
I turned back to my mother, my voice suddenly much calmer than I felt.
“You know what? Fine. Set up the meeting.”
“Oh, wonderful! I knew you’d come around.”
I had no idea what I was getting myself into. But if Alex wanted to play that game, I’d play it too.
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***
I spent the following day mentally preparing myself for meeting with Nick.
I told myself it was strictly business. I reminded myself that I wasn’t doing this to prove a point.
I assured myself I wasn’t being petty or reacting emotionally to Amanda’s little flirtation circus at Alex’s birthday party.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
At least, that’s what I kept repeating like a mantra as I walked into the restaurant. And then I saw Nick. Smiling. Relaxed. Effortlessly confident in that way that used to drive me crazy years ago.
And suddenly, I wasn’t so sure about my mantra anymore. Damn it.
“Wow,” he said, giving me an appreciative once-over. “You look amazing.”
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“Thanks. You, uh… still dress like a business magazine cover.”
He chuckled.
“Well, you know me. Always selling something.”
I sat across from him, trying to shake off the weird nostalgia and irritation that came with seeing him again.
He poured us both some tea and said, “So. Tell me about your café.”
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I started explaining my vision, how I wanted to make the café a hub for creative entrepreneurs, and how I planned to add live events, poetry readings, networking nights…
“Sounds incredible.”
I stopped mid-sentence. There was a knowing smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.
“What?” I asked.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
“You. You’re still the same. Passionate. Determined. Always thinking big.”
“Well, some things don’t change.”
“Some do.”
I was about to steer the conversation back to strictly professional territory when a familiar voice cut through the restaurant noise like a knife.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
“Wow. Well, isn’t this cozy?”
I turned my head. There, standing just inside the restaurant entrance, were Alex and Amanda. My stomach dropped. Alex’s gaze flickered from me to Nick.
“Oh, what a crazy coincidence!” Amanda said, placing a hand on Alex’s arm. “You two know each other, right?”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
I stood up so fast that my chair nearly toppled over. Apparently enjoying the drama, Nick leaned back in his chair with a relaxed grin.
“Oh, we’re more than familiar.”
“You’re looking good, man,” he told Alex. “Married life must be treating you well.”
“Yeah,” Alex said. “It was. Until I walked in and saw my wife on what looked like a date.”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, please! If anyone’s on a date here, it’s you two!” I gestured at Amanda.
She clutched her chest.
“Me? Oh, no, no, I’m just supporting Alex. As a friend.”
Alex let out a bitter laugh. “Oh, you’re a real saint, Amanda.”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
Nick clapped his hands together, clearly having the time of his life. “Well, this just got interesting.”
I whipped back around to face him.
“Nick, shut up.”
Amanda huffed. “You don’t need to be so defensive, darling. It’s not like you’re the only one who can enjoy an old friend’s company.”
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Oh. Oh, she did NOT just say that.
Without thinking, I grabbed my glass of orange juice and flung it directly at Amanda’s expensive silk blouse. She gasped, horrified.
Nick let out a loud laugh. Alex picked up his glass of water and threw it straight at Nick. Nick spluttered, soaking wet, and shot to his feet.
“Oh, you wanna play, buddy?” he said, reaching for the sauce bottle on the table.
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“DON’T YOU DARE…” I started.
Too late. Before I could blink, barbecue sauce was flying through the air. The following five seconds were a complete disaster. By the time the chaos settled, the entire restaurant was dead silent.
“I. Am. Leaving,” Amanda declared, storming off in her stained designer dress.
Nick looked down at his soaked clothes, then at me.
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“Well. This wasn’t exactly how I pictured our reunion.”
“You planned this?”
He winked. I groaned. Alex grabbed my hand.
“Come on. Let’s get out of here before someone calls the cops on us.”
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I didn’t argue. We left the restaurant sticky, soaked, and absolutely done with the night. As we stepped onto the street, I glanced at Alex.
“We just got played, didn’t we?”
“Oh, 100%. And I have an extreme suspicion about who’s behind this.”
“Yeah. Our mothers.”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
And just like that, everything started making sense.
Alex and I exchanged a knowing glance, the kind only two people could understand. A slow grin spread across my face as I wiped a streak of sauce from his cheek.
“We can’t let them get away with this.”
“Oh, absolutely not.”
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We embraced and burst into laughter — sticky, soaked, and victorious. Because no matter what our mothers threw at us — our love wasn’t that easy to break.
At that very moment, our mothers probably enjoyed a peaceful dinner together at our house. Blissfully unaware of the little surprise we had prepared for them.
***
When we got home, our mothers were lounging on the couch, sipping wine, looking very pleased with themselves.
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“Oh, you’re back!” my mom beamed. “How was your evening?”
Alex and I exchanged a knowing look.
“Oh, life-changing,” I said, slipping off my jacket.
“What do you mean?”
Alex sighed heavily. “We’ve made a decision.”
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Both moms leaned forward.
“We’re breaking up,” I announced.
Silence. Cynthia gasped. My mom clutched her chest.
“But wait,” Alex added, raising a hand. “There’s good news, too. We’re having a baby.”
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Cynthia choked on her wine. My mom’s eyes bulged.
“You CAN’T break up if you’re having a baby!”
“Well, you two can co-parent.”
Alex nodded. “Or, you know… foster care.”
The horror on their faces was delicious.
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“You… YOU WOULDN’T.”
“Oh, but you thought meddling in our marriage was fine?”
“We weren’t trying to ruin anything,” my mom muttered. “We just… read that book that said love only lasts three years. And well, your anniversary is coming up, and everything seemed so… calm.”
“So, naturally, you decided to light a match and throw it into our excellent relationship?” Alex asked.
Cynthia sighed, rubbing her temples. “We thought a little jealousy would… reignite the spark.”
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I exchanged a look with Alex, half-amused, half-exasperated.
“Well, congrats. You gave us the messiest week of our lives.”
Alex chuckled. “But we’re still standing. Still together. And stronger than ever.”
“Well, now that we’re done with family drama,” I said, grabbing my coat, “how about we finally go eat? You two dragged us through so much that we never got dinner.”
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They perked up immediately. And as we all headed out together, I threw an arm around Alex.
“Oh, and by the way,” I added, “we’re sending you two on a weekend getaway. Somewhere far. Very far.”
Alex grinned.
“Think of it as a little break… from ruining our lives.”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
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