According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
Waitress Made Me Kneel in the Restaurant — Her Reason Shocked Me to Tears
On what would have been a celebration of our 50th anniversary, a seemingly normal dinner turned into a life-or-death ordeal. A brave waitress’s urgent command to kneel led to a surprising act of heroism and a heartfelt message from my late husband.
My name is Clara, and I’m a 78-year-old grandmother. Today would have been my 50th wedding anniversary with my late husband, Brian. We had a tradition of dining at a nice restaurant to celebrate, and I still do it to honor his memory.
A happy elderly lady | Source: Pexels
The restaurant was bustling. I felt a bit overwhelmed as I navigated my way to the table. The noise, the people, and the busy waitstaff made it hard for me to find my way. My heart pounded, both from the effort and the emotions this day always brings.
As I entered the restaurant, the familiar smell of delicious food greeted me. The soft clinking of cutlery and the hum of conversations filled the air. The lighting was dim and warm, just as Brian and I always liked it.
A cozy restaurant | Source: Pexels
I finally made it to my table, my favorite one by the window. I sat down and took a deep breath. The chair felt cold and unfamiliar without Brian sitting across from me. I could almost see him there, smiling at me, his eyes crinkling at the corners.
“Happy anniversary, love,” I whispered to myself.
An elderly woman in a restaurant | Source: Pexels
I glanced around, watching couples and families enjoying their meals. It reminded me of all the anniversaries Brian and I had celebrated here. We would hold hands across the table, laugh about old memories, and make new ones. Those were the best days of my life.
My excitement for the meal started to build. I picked up the menu and scanned it, though I already knew what I wanted. The special of the day was always our choice. Brian would joke, “Why change a good thing?”
A restaurant menu | Source: Pexels
The waitress, a young woman with a kind smile, came over. “Hello, ma’am. Are you ready to order?”
“Yes, I’ll have the special, please,” I replied, smiling back at her.
She nodded and left to place my order. When she returned with my food, my heart sank. The plate was dirty, smudged with something I couldn’t quite identify.
A waitress with a dish | Source: Pexels
“Excuse me,” I said politely, “Could you please replace this plate? It’s not clean.”
“Of course, ma’am,” she replied, looking slightly flustered. “I’ll be right back.”
She took the plate and hurried back to the kitchen. I sat there, waiting, my excitement dampened by the small disappointment.
Waitress attending to a customer | Source: Pexels
A few minutes later, the waitress returned with a clean plate. But instead of setting it down in front of me, she leaned in close and urgently said, “You need to get on your knees immediately, ma’am!”
I blinked, shocked. “Why?” I asked, my voice shaking.
“Please, just do it now,” she repeated, her voice trembling. Her eyes darted towards the entrance.
A terrified waitress | Source: Midjourney
I hesitated, my mind racing. Why was she asking me to do this? But there was something in her voice, a note of desperation that made me comply. Slowly, I slid off my chair and knelt beside my table.
As I knelt there, humiliation and confusion washed over me. Tears pricked my eyes. I glanced up at the waitress, hoping for an explanation. She quickly knelt beside me and whispered, “I’m so sorry, ma’am. There’s a man with a gun. Stay down and follow my lead.”
Scared elderly lady hiding under a table | Source: Midjourney
My heart pounded in my chest. I glanced towards the entrance and saw him—a man with his hand tucked inside his jeans, looking around the restaurant suspiciously. Fear gripped me, making it hard to breathe.
“We need to stay calm,” the waitress continued, her voice steady but low. “He threatened to shoot if anyone moved. I needed to get you down without alerting him.”
Suspicious-looking man in a restaurant | Source: Midjourney
I nodded, tears streaming down my face. The reality of the situation hit me like a wave, and I felt a mix of fear and gratitude toward this brave young woman.
Just then, a loud crash came from the kitchen. Pots and pans clattered to the floor, and shouts erupted. The man near the entrance turned his attention toward the noise, his eyes narrowing.
“This is our chance,” the waitress whispered. She grabbed my hand, her grip firm but reassuring.
Wide-eyed waitress | Source: Midjourney
“Stay low,” she instructed.
We began to crawl, moving as quickly and quietly as possible. The floor was cold and hard beneath my knees, but I focused on the waitress, trusting her completely. My heart was pounding so loudly I was sure everyone could hear it.
We made our way to a small door marked “Storage.” The waitress opened it, and we slipped inside. She locked the door behind us, her hands shaking.
A restaurant’s storage door | Source: Midjourney
“We should be safe in here,” she said, leaning against the door to catch her breath. “Just stay quiet.”
I nodded, my breathing ragged from the fear and exertion. The small room was cramped, filled with shelves of supplies. The waitress sat down beside me, her face pale but determined.
“Thank you,” I whispered, tears streaming down my face.
Elderly lady looking away | Source: Midjourney
The waitress gave me a small smile. “My name is Emily. I’m sorry I had to scare you like that, but I couldn’t think of any other way to keep you safe.”
“You did the right thing,” I replied, my voice trembling. “You saved my life.”
Emily looked down, her eyes glistening. “My brother is a cop. He taught me what to do in situations like this. And…you remind me of my grandma. I couldn’t let anything happen to you.”
Woman looking concerned | Source: Midjourney
I was touched by her words. “Thank you, Emily. You were very brave.”
Emily reached into her apron’s pocket and pulled out a small, beautifully carved wooden box. “I almost forgot,” she said. “Your husband left this with the manager for you. I was supposed to give it to you today.”
A small wooden box | Source: Pexels
My hands trembled as I took the box from her. It was exquisite, with delicate carvings that looked like they were made with love. I opened it slowly, revealing a letter and two walnut shells inside.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I recognized the handwriting on the letter. It was from Brian. With a trembling voice, I began to read aloud.
A hand-written letter | Source: Pexels
My Dearest Clara,
Today marks our 50th wedding anniversary, and although I am not there with you in person, I am always with you in spirit. This little box holds a part of our love story that started all those years ago. Do you remember the first time we met? You gave me a walnut as a token of our first encounter. I have kept these shells with me ever since, as a reminder of that beautiful day and the countless wonderful moments we’ve shared.
A man writing a letter | Source: Pexels
My love for you has only grown stronger with each passing year. You have been my strength, my joy, and my everything. I hope you continue this tradition and feel my love surrounding you today and always.
Forever yours, Brian
As I finished reading, tears streamed down my face. I held the walnut shells in my hand, their smooth surfaces bringing back a flood of memories. Brian had always been sentimental, and this gesture was so like him.
A crying elderly lady | Source: Pexels
Emily gently placed a hand on my shoulder. “He loved you so much,” she said softly.
Just then, we heard a knock on the door. “Police, open up!” a voice called.
Emily quickly unlocked the door, and a group of officers entered, their faces stern but calm. “Are you alright, ma’am?” one of them asked gently.
I nodded, still overwhelmed by the emotions from the letter and the terrifying experience. “Yes, I’m alright now.”
Police arriving at a restaurant | Source: Midjourney
The officers led us out of the storage room. I saw the man being handcuffed and escorted out of the restaurant. No shots had been fired, and everyone was safe. The restaurant slowly returned to normal, though the atmosphere was still tense.
One of the officers, a tall man with kind eyes, approached us. “Emily here did a brave thing,” he said. “She kept you safe and helped us apprehend the suspect.”
I turned to Emily, my eyes filled with gratitude. “Thank you for saving my life,” I said, my voice trembling.
Two women hugging | Source: Midjourney
She smiled, though her eyes were still filled with concern. “I just did what I had to do. I’m glad you’re okay.”
As I left the restaurant, clutching the precious box and letter, I couldn’t help but think about the unexpected twists that day had taken. What began as a humiliating and confusing moment turned into an act of heroism that I would never forget. Emily’s quick thinking and courage had not only saved my life but had also given me a beautiful connection to Brian’s enduring love
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