In August 2017, Tony Alarcon’s phone rang unexpectedly.
Like many parents, he thought it might be a telemarketer. But this time, he answered the call.
Hearing from the school can be nerve-wracking for any parent. Tony immediately started worrying—was his daughter, Demetra, okay? Had something happened?
What he found out left him surprised.
It was a hot summer day in Northern California, with temperatures reaching 90 degrees. Tony had dropped off his 13-year-old daughter, Demetra, at school that morning. She wore a blue romper to stay cool in the heat, and neither of them thought the outfit would cause any issues.
Demetra, a student at Raymond J. Fisher Middle School in Los Gatos, California, had simply dressed for the weather.
Not everyone agreed with Demetra’s outfit. A teacher at her school said her romper was “too distracting” for the boys.
When the teacher told Demetra that her outfit was too short, her dad, Tony, rushed back to the school with a change of clothes—jean shorts and a tank top. But the school said those clothes were also inappropriate.
Tony was shocked. He asked Demetra to bend over and touch her toes in front of the school administrator. “Nothing is hanging out. There’s nothing inappropriate. I don’t understand this dress code rule,” he told TODAY.
Still, the school said her clothes were “distracting.” Since it was 90 degrees outside, Tony had no choice but to go to his car and grab a pair of leggings for Demetra to wear.
Demetra felt embarrassed.
Tony expressed his frustration, saying, “She’s just a kid. She’s only 13. She’s not trying to be a sex symbol. She just wants to be comfortable and attend class, but we’re not giving her that chance.”
This wasn’t the first time Demetra had been in trouble for her clothes. Just a week before, she was called out for a visible bra strap. “When I got dress coded last week, they said my bra strap was showing,” Demetra told the *San Jose Mercury News*. “Like, I’m wearing a bra—what’s the big deal?”
Tony, a successful investment advisor and father of two, didn’t let it go. Angry at what he saw as an unfair rule that mostly targeted girls, he took his complaint to social media. Parents from all over the country showed their support, agreeing that the school’s dress code was outdated and unfair to girls.
“Demetra’s not the only one. If you sit in the school parking lot, you’ll see that,” Tony said. “Lots of girls just want to be comfortable, but they feel forced to wear leggings even when it’s 100 degrees outside.”
Tony believed that parents, not schools, should decide if their children’s clothes are appropriate. He was also worried about how being told their clothing is a “distraction” to boys could affect young girls emotionally in the long run.
The story quickly got attention from the media, with major news outlets reporting on Tony’s efforts to change the dress code. While the school didn’t speak on camera, they did release a statement:
“The Los Gatos Union School District believes that appropriate dress and grooming contribute to a productive learning environment,” the district said. “Students are expected to wear clothes that reflect the core values of our learning community.”
Tony’s efforts made an impact. His push for change led the Los Gatos Union School District to reevaluate its dress code to make it fairer and less strict for all students.
Lisa Fraser, the school’s principal, explained that the dress code rules, called “Fashion Faux Pas,” apply to both girls and boys. Some of the rules include no hats or hoods indoors, no visible underwear, no inappropriate logos or words, and shorts must have at least 4-inch inseams.
“There has always been a dress code,” Fraser told a newspaper. “These are basic rules for appropriate behavior. I can set guidelines for the school, but I want them to reflect the community’s values.”
In the end, Tony Alarcon’s persistence started an important discussion about how school dress codes affect young girls — showing that one parent’s voice can truly make a difference.
What do you think about the school’s dress code? Have you or your children faced a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments!
If you see a man with one painted fingernail, here’s what it means
When Elliot Costello and a group of other people visited Cambodia, he had an encounter with a young girl named Thea.
Little did Elliot know that this encounter would have an impact so profound on him that it would help start a movement whose goal is to end sexual abuse against children.
Namely, Thea always had nail polish on her tiny nails. One day, as she and Elliot chatted, she asked to paint one of his nails. He agreed and was happy to speak to the chatty girl, but he then learned that she was once a victim of sexual abuse.
“As she painted one of my nails, I assured her I would always keep it that way to remember her, and by extension, her suffering,” Elliot said.
This motivated Elliot to try and make positive change among men so that less and less children fall victims of sexual abuse.
That is when he came up with the movement called #PolishedMan where men put nail polish on one of their nails. That one nail represents the one in five children who will be victims of sexual violence.
Polished Man works towards ending sexual violence against children. According to the organization, “being a Polished Man means challenging violent behavior and language, both locally and globally.”
Elliot believes that since men are responsible for 96% of this type of violence against children globally, they should be catalyst for change if we are ever to see an end to the abuse of innocent children.
The goal with the painted nail isn’t just to remind people of the number of children who are abused every single day, but to serve as a conversation starter about this reality, leading to new ideas about prevention. He also hopes that people will start donating to “support educational programs and resources for child survivors of abuse,” as per APlus.
We hope that more men, including celebrities would be willing to join this movement.
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