Ho ho ho! Feeling festive? These Christmas jokes will have you laughing louder than Santa’s belly shake. Warning: excessive cheer, snort-laughing, and spontaneous caroling may occur. Proceed with caution… and cookies!
Jingle all the way to laughter! Grab your eggnog and settle in for some holiday hilarity. These jokes are Santa-approved and guaranteed to make you laugh harder than your uncle after too much Christmas pudding.
Santa Claus laughing in the snow | Source: Midjourney
1. The Christmas Trap
Mike drummed his fingers on his desk, staring at his phone. His wife Janet gave him a knowing wink from across the room, already struggling to contain her laughter. Time for their annual Christmas scheme.
“Hey kiddo,” Mike said after his 20-year-old son picked up in Fairbanks, trying to sound devastated. “I hate to drop this bomb, but… your mother and I are getting divorced.”
“WHAT?” Ryan’s voice cracked so hard that his neighbor’s cat fell off the windowsill. “Dad, you can’t be serious! You just posted those matching Christmas sweater photos!”
A shocked young man holding a phone | Source: Midjourney
“Dead serious. Can’t stand looking at her cookbooks anymore. Three hundred and forty-two sugar cookie recipes is where I draw the line. Call your sister in Sydney. I’m done talking about it.”
Ryan immediately called his sister Ashley, nearly dropping his phone in his panic. “Dad’s lost his mind! They’re getting divorced over a cookbook!”
“OVER MY DEAD BODY AND EVERY CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT I OWN!” Ashley screeched, making her office plants wilt. She speed-dialed home. “Listen here, old man! Don’t you DARE sign anything! Ryan and I are flying home TONIGHT!”
A shocked woman talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
Mike hung up and high-fived Janet, and both of them doubled over with laughter. “Works every year. Both kids coming home for Christmas. And they’re buying their own tickets!”
Janet wiped tears from her eyes. “Should we tell them this is how we got them to come to Thanksgiving too?”
“Nah,” Mike grinned. “Let’s save that trick for Easter!”
An older man with a wicked grin | Source: Midjourney
2. The Christmas Angel
Eleanor had been working in the Dead Letter Office for five years, but she’d never seen anything quite like this — an envelope addressed simply to “God” in shaky handwriting that looked like it had been written during an earthquake.
Inside was a letter that made her heart squeeze:
“Dear God, I’m Martha, 85 years young and running low on miracles. Some sneaky youngster with unusually fast hands swiped my purse yesterday with my entire month’s pension. $120. I’ve got five dear friends coming for Christmas dinner, and now I can’t even afford a can of cranberry sauce. I know you’re busy with world peace and all, but could you spare a miracle for an old lady with a sweet tooth and empty cupboards? Love, Martha (the one with the crooked garden gnome collection at the end of Maple Street).”
A lady postal services worker reading a letter | Source: Midjourney
Eleanor shared the letter with her coworkers. By lunch, they’d collected $116, raiding coffee funds, lunch money, and that secret candy bar stash everyone pretended not to know about.
A week after Christmas, another letter arrived:
“Dear God, You’re a real peach! That $116 you’d left in my mailbox made for the best Christmas dinner ever! My friends said it was divine intervention. I’d say they’re right! Even my arthritis felt better!
P.S. Some sticky-fingered postal worker must’ve skimmed $4 off the top. Might want to look into that. I hear you’ve got connections with Santa’s naughty list! Love, Martha.”
A cheerful older lady enjoying Christmas dinner with her friends | Source: Midjourney
3. North Pole Chaos
“Code Red! Code Red!” Junior Elf Timothy squeaked into the North Pole intercom, his voice cracking like ice in hot cocoa. “Four senior elves down with candy cane flu! The toy production line looks like a modern art exhibition!”
Santa rubbed his temples, watching the trainee elves turn teddy bears into abstract sculptures. Mrs. Claus chose that perfect moment to chirp, “Honey, Mother’s coming for Christmas! She’s bringing her entire fruitcake collection… even the one that set off the North Pole airport security!”
In the stables, Rudolph was organizing a reindeer union strike, demanding premium carrots and heated stalls. Dancer was in labor (terrible timing), and Prancer had eloped with a local moose named Bruce who promised her a cabin in the woods.
Startled Santa Claus | Source: Midjourney
Santa trudged to load the sleigh, only to hear an ominous CRACK! The floor splintered like thin ice, sending toys scattering everywhere like confetti at a New Year’s party gone wrong.
Stumbling inside for coffee, he found the elves had replaced it with sugar-free hot chocolate with a tag that read: “It’s healthier, Boss!” The milk jug slipped from his hands, shattering into a million pieces that sparkled like evil little stars on the kitchen floor. The cleanup broom looked like it had been through a beaver party. Suddenly, the doorbell buzzed.
DING DONG!
Santa Claus holding a broom | Source: Midjourney
Santa yanked open the door, ready to cancel Christmas entirely. There stood a tiny angel, struggling under a massive Christmas tree that made her look like a sprite with an oversized umbrella.
“Special delivery!” she beamed, twinkling with festive cheer. “Where would you like me to stick it?”
And that’s why Christmas trees have angels on top, sporting slightly alarmed expressions and questioning their career choices.
An angel under a Christmas tree | Source: Midjourney
4. Heavenly Volume
Tommy and Jack were spending Christmas Eve at Grandma Rose’s house, famous for her legendary sugar cookies and selective hearing that rivaled military-grade noise-canceling technology.
At bedtime, Tommy (age 6) knelt beside his bed and began his strategic prayer:
“DEAR GOD, I WOULD REALLY LOVE A NEW XBOX…”
“AND A REMOTE CONTROL DINOSAUR THAT ACTUALLY BREATHES FIRE…”
“AND MAYBE A ROCKET SHIP WITH REAL ROCKET FUEL…”
A little boy praying | Source: Midjourney
Jack (age 8) nudged his brother, rolling his eyes. “Dude, volume control! God’s not streaming on Spotify!”
Tommy shot back with a mischievous grin that would make elves proud. “Yeah, but Grandma is doing her Christmas shopping tomorrow, and her hearing aid’s been acting up since she tried to bluetooth it to her toaster!”
A little boy looking up and laughing | Source: Midjourney
5. The Shopping Surprise
Linda lost track of her husband Dave at the crowded mall during last-minute Christmas shopping. After 20 minutes of searching between the endless sea of panic-buying shoppers, she called his cell.
“Dave, where on earth did you disappear to? The mall closes in an hour!”
“Honey,” his voice softened mysteriously, “remember that fancy jewelry store from our first Christmas together? The one where you fell in love with that stunning sapphire necklace, but we were so broke we could barely afford the window shopping?”
A man talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
Linda’s heart fluttered, her anger melting faster than a snowman in July. “The one on Fifth Street? Oh my god, Dave… you didn’t…”
“Well,” he paused dramatically, “I’m in the dollar store next door. They’re having a massive sale on gift bags! Three for a dollar! Want me to grab some?”
A woman gaping in shock | Source: Midjourney
6. The Carol Critic
“Hey Emma,” her little brother Charlie called from the doorway, munching on his third candy cane of the morning. “You should totally join the Christmas choir at school! They’re still accepting applications!”
14-year-old Emma stopped practicing her scales, hope blooming in her eyes. “Really? You actually like my singing? After all this time?”
“Nah,” Charlie grinned, revealing red and white striped teeth. “But they only perform once a year, and I already know which day to wear my noise-canceling headphones!”
A stunned teenage girl holding a songbook | Source: Midjourney
7. The Gift Switch
At the office Christmas party, Tom was bragging about the amazing gift he got his wife Sarah, waving his phone around with photos.
“Check it out, man. Diamond earrings! Cost me a fortune, but worth every penny!”
His coworker Steve whistled, sipping his fourth cup of spiked eggnog. “But didn’t Sarah specifically ask for that new SUV? The one she’s been hinting about since last Christmas?”
“She did,” Tom smirked, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “But try finding a fake Ford Explorer that’ll fool your mother-in-law!”
A man holding a pair of earrings and laughing | Source: Midjourney
8. The Budget Tree
“Dad, pleeeease can we get a real Christmas tree this year?” little Jimmy begged for the hundredth time, giving his best puppy dog eyes. “I’m tired of explaining to my friends why our plastic tree smells like a basement and old tennis shoes!”
Frank grabbed his axe and wallet, sighing dramatically while secretly winking at his wife. “Fine. The things I do for Christmas spirit…”
He returned suspiciously quickly with a perfect tree, not a drop of sweat in sight.
A man holding an axe | Source: Midjourney
“That was fast,” Jimmy said, eyeing the pristine axe. “Did you even use it?”
“Nope!” Frank grinned proudly. “But the tree lot guy offered a 75% discount when I started examining the trees with it! Sometimes the best lumberjack is the one who never swings!”
A stunned boy | Source: Midjourney
9. The Biblical Bird
Three brothers — Richie, Steve, and Joe — gathered for their annual post-Christmas brag-fest about their gifts to their 80-year-old mother.
Richie puffed up his chest. “I built her a mansion with an elevator and a meditation room!”
Steve smirked, twirling his car keys. “Amateur. I bought her a Rolls-Royce with a personal chauffeur!”
Joe leaned back, sipping his cocoa. “You guys are so last season. Remember how Mom loves the Bible but can’t see well? I found this amazing parrot that recites the entire Bible on command. Took the church elders twelve years to train him. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse!”
A person in church holding a parrot | Source: Midjourney
Their mother’s thank-you notes arrived the next week:
“Dear Richie: The mansion’s lovely, but I’m too old to remember which of the 7 bathrooms I left my glasses in.
Dear Steve: The car’s beautiful, but my driver keeps falling asleep during my stories.
Dear Joe: The chicken was pretty small but delicious! Especially with the sage stuffing!”
Roasted chicken on the table | Source: Midjourney
10. The Window Shopping Incident
Karen spotted the perfect Christmas party dress sparkling in the store’s window display, guaranteed to make her the talk of the office party.
“Excuse me,” she called to a passing saleswoman. “Could I try on that gorgeous shimmery dress in the window? The one with the sequins?”
The saleswoman clutched her pearls, looking thoroughly scandalized. “Absolutely not, Ma’am! We have perfectly good fitting rooms for that sort of thing. This isn’t that kind of establishment!”
A dress displayed in a store | Source: Midjourney
11. The Santa Hotline
Sophie was driving her mom crazy with constant battles with her teenage sister Madison. The latest war was over borrowed (stolen) Christmas sweaters and who ate the last gingerbread cookie.
Mom had enough. “That’s it! I’m calling Santa!”
She dialed her brother Bob, resident Santa impersonator extraordinaire. Sophie’s eyes grew huge as Mom detailed her crimes against sisterhood, including the Great Hair Dryer Incident of last Tuesday.
“Santa wants a word with you,” Mom handed over the phone, trying not to smirk as her master plan unfolded.
A smiling woman holding a phone | Source: Midjourney
Uncle Bob dropped his voice to subterranean levels. “Sophie, Sophie, Sophie… No presents for girls who torment their sisters. I’m watching! And yes, I saw you hide that cookie under your pillow!”
Sophie nodded solemnly through the lecture, then hung up with a suspicious gleam in her eye.
“Well?” Mom asked, expecting victory. “What did Santa say?”
Sophie shrugged, skipping away. “He said Madison’s getting coal this year. Apparently, she’s the real troublemaker. Also, he said you should check your own cookie stash, Mom!”
A little girl smiling | Source: Midjourney
And there you have it, folks! If these jokes made you laugh, share them faster than your relatives share embarrassing childhood stories at Christmas dinner! Keep spreading the holiday cheer with these 10 More Best Christmas Jokes. Ho ho ho!
Cheerful Santa Claus laughing | Source: Midjourney
Bride’s Mom Sees Groom Entering Bathroom with Bridesmaid in the Middle of Wedding – Story of the Day
Iris was so delighted. Her daughter Eliza was all set to get married to the love of her life, Daniel. So Iris shuffled toward her future son-in-law to give him her late husband’s diamond cufflinks.
But Daniel was walking too fast, and Iris had to race her achy knees. She watched him approach Melissa, one of the bridesmaids, and whisper something to her.
Then, they both walked away from the venue toward the back of the restaurant. Curious, Iris tiptoed behind them, only to see them slipping into a bathroom together…
For illustration purposes only | Source: Getty Images
Iris slightly opened the door, and her heart sank when she peered inside.
“I can’t wait anymore, babe,” Daniel tugged at Mellissa’s waist, pulling her closer.
“Not now, darling,” Melissa crooned. “If someone finds out, our plans will be ruined. Patience, babe…you just need to stay married for a little. Think of the big payday we’ll get when you divorce your boring wife. Millions of dollars worth…but now control yourself!”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Unsplash
Iris leaned over and glimpsed at Daniel and Melissa on the bathroom mirror. They were locked in each others’ arms, kissing passionately.
“Not now…” Melissa muttered. “We have to get back.”
“Not until you promise to meet me at my house later,” Daniel said. “We carry on like we always have…after Eliza’s gone to work!”
Melissa giggled. Unable to see or take it anymore, Iris hurried away to warn her daughter.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
Iris hurried to the dining room, but Eliza was not there. Suddenly, the MC called for everyone’s attention.
“Before we proceed to the wedding hall, the bride has a special gift for the groom,” he announced.
Eliza appeared on the stage and took the mic from the MC.
“…I’ve waited for a long time to find a real love…and I want to dedicate this to him!”
As the band behind Eliza started playing the chords, she sang a melodious love song. A hush fell over the room as Eliza finished singing.
The guests applauded, and Daniel rushed onto the stage and hugged her. Iris knew it would crush her daughter’s heart when she learned the truth about Daniel’s scheming.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
The MC interrupted the bustling wedding scene. “And now… love birds, your first dance!”
Iris weaved through the crowd and approached her daughter. “Eliza, I have to tell you something…it’s about Daniel.”
“Is everything okay, Mom?”
“Sweetie, he is…Can we talk privately?”
“Daniel’s waiting for me. We’ll talk after the first dance, okay?”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Unsplash
Melissa sidled around Iris and approached the bride. “Daniel’s waiting for you in the dance hall.”
Eliza was so gorgeous in her wedding dress as she followed Melissa to the door. Iris was shattered, and she did not have the courage to break her daughter’s heart on her big day.
So she watched in agony as the wedding proceeded. There was nothing she could do to bring Daniel and Melissa’s affair to light. There was only one way to expose him: Iris had to ensure Eliza caught him red-handed.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Unsplash
Eliza and Daniel drove Iris to the airport the following Monday to catch an early flight back home. Iris was disgusted to watch Daniel acting so lovey-dovey with Eliza.
Iris hugged Eliza goodbye before heading to the boarding lounge. Around 15 minutes later, she called a cab and returned to Eliza’s house.
Iris knew Melissa and Daniel would meet after Eliza went to work, and she decided to catch them.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Unsplash
When Iris arrived at Eliza’s house, she saw Melissa’s car parked in the driveway. She quickly called Eliza.
“Sweetie, my flight was canceled,” Iris told her daughter. “I hailed a taxi to your place…I’m feeling dizzy…can you meet me there?”
“Oh, God, Mom! I’m busy…but don’t worry. I’ll call Daniel and ask him, alright?”
“No, don’t call him. I want you to come here…please, it’s important.”
Eliza sighed. “Fine…I’m coming.”
Iris hung up and crept up to the window.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
She peered through the glass pane and saw nothing strange at first. Then, the door swung open as Daniel and Melissa entered the room, kissing each other.
He set her down, and the pair started making out on the couch.
Iris glanced at the street, but there was still no sign of Eliza. She peeked through the window and quickly looked away in disgust, seeing how things inside had heated up.
Iris stood by the curb, praying for her daughter to be there soon. Five minutes later, Eliza pulled up.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Unsplash
“Mom, are you okay?” Eliza approached Iris.
“No, I’m not. Your husband and that Melissa. They’re in there…fooling around.”
“WHAT?” Eliza was shocked.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I overheard them on your wedding day…”
“You overheard what?”
“They are having an affair…and have planned to swindle you and take your money when Daniel leaves you,” Iris replied as Eliza froze.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
“Daniel and Melissa?” Eliza’s breath shuddered. “He’s always been nice to me…how did I not have a clue about this affair?”
“They’re in there right now…” Iris pointed to the door. “Why don’t you go see with your own eyes?”
Eliza nodded curtly and wiped her tears. She angrily marched to the front door, and Iris was right behind her.
They tiptoed to the living room. The sound of Daniel and Melissa giggling behind the couch echoed in the hallway.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
“What the hell’s going on here?” she yelled.
Iris rushed in but was caught off-guard by the sight before her shocked eyes. It didn’t make any sense.
Just mere minutes ago, when she looked through the window, Daniel and Melissa were engrossed in their intimate moment. But now, they were casually seated on the sofa like nothing had happened.
“Eliza? What do you mean?” Daniel replied. “Melissa and I were discussing work…Didn’t I tell you I’d be working from home this week?”
“You LIAR!” Iris pointed at Daniel. “I saw the both of you doing ‘things’ on that sofa…you must’ve seen us coming and gotten dressed.”
“Gotten dressed?” Melissa frowned. “Jesus…you think Daniel and I are having…an affair?”
“Just shut up,” Eliza snapped. “My mother saw you two in the bathroom on our wedding day…and now, in our house. You were so insistent on sharing our assets and money when we got married. And now I know why…Daniel, you married me for my money.’
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
“That’s not true!” Daniel denied the allegation. “Being married means sharing everything. What’s mine is yours, Eliza. I’m sorry your mother thinks so cheap of me…but she’s mistaken. Melissa and I are friends and business partners. I thought you… trusted me.”
“I did, Daniel. But why would my Mom lie to me? I just…I just don’t understand.”
“Eliza, I love you…and I can prove it,” Daniel took Eliza’s hand.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a bunch of keys.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
“See this?” He dropped the keys into Eliza’s palm. “I made the final payment for our new home yesterday. Melissa was here to help me with an idea to surprise you. But everything’s ruined now.”
“He’s lying, Eliza,” Iris insisted as she watched Eliza lift the keys with her trembling fingers.
But Eliza didn’t seem to hear. “You were going to surprise me?” she whispered.
“Yes! I wanted to drive you there in a blindfold…walk you onto the lawn…and show you our dream home. But I guess I’ll be staying there alone now. There’s no point in sharing my life with a woman who doesn’t trust me.”
Daniel snatched the keys from Eliza and stormed to their bedroom.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
“Wait, you can’t just leave me like this,” Eliza ran after Daniel. “I don’t doubt you…but I know Mom would never tell me something like this unless it’s true.”
Daniel stopped and turned around. “I don’t know what your Mom saw and heard. I’ve offered you proof. If you still don’t believe me, I don’t think this marriage can last.”
“I trust you…that’s why it hurts so much to think of you cheating on me. I love you, Daniel…”
“I love you too,” Daniel said. “I don’t understand what went wrong to make it easy for you to believe such awful things about me. If you truly believe that I’ve been unfaithful to you, tell me now. I’ll pack my things and leave you…forever.”
“I trust you! Please forgive me,” Eliza hugged Daniel as Iris couldn’t believe it.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
Iris’s heart raced in her chest. It was all too much for her. Her knees gave way as a dull pain spread through her chest. The last thing Iris heard was the piercing shrill of ambulance sirens.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
Iris was rushed to the hospital, where the doctors informed her she’d had a heart attack.
“You scared me, Mom…I’m glad you’re okay,” Eliza visited Iris and hugged her.
“I’ll feel a lot better if you tell me that you’ve kicked that fraudster and his mistress out.”
Eliza rolled her eyes. “Mom, please don’t talk about my husband like that. You’ve mistaken things about him…”
“Wake up, Eliza. He’s just using you. All that nonsense about buying a house was his way of guilt-tripping you into staying.”
“But it proves he loves me. Why would he want me to stay if he was only after my money?”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
“Why don’t you check your prenup, Eliza?” Iris snapped. “Good Lord, how do I make you understand that your husband is a gold-digger?”
“Mom, please stop this. Let’s not assume things and punish Daniel for something he’s never done.”
“Fine then,” Iris said. “If you don’t want to open your eyes and see the reality, then things are going to be different from now on.”
“What do you mean, Mom?”
Iris reached for her phone and dialed a number.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
“Hello, Mr. Simms…I’m calling you about my will,” Iris told her lawyer. “I want to make an urgent change. I’ve decided to leave all my wealth to charity. My daughter will not inherit a dime. And I want you to freeze her bank account. Yes…immediately. Thank you.”
“What?” Eliza stood shocked. “You can’t be serious.”
“I’m sorry, Eliza, but you left me with no choice. I don’t want our family’s hard-earned money being palmed to a gold-digger using you.”
“Fine!” Eliza yelled. “If you’re cutting me off your will, so be it. I don’t want to see you again.”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Pexels
The following few weeks were the most challenging days for Iris. She underwent heart surgery and was released from the hospital after a long recovery period.
She felt very lonely and even tried calling Eliza. But her daughter never answered, and Iris was heartbroken. She called her every day and sent her text messages.
Iris wasn’t surprised when there was no reply. But one day, her doorbell rang. When Iris opened the door, she froze in disbelief.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Unsplash
“Eliza?!” Iris teared up as a wave of emotions washed over her. “Sweetie…”
Iris stopped talking when Eliza looked at her with red, puffy eyes.
“It’s Daniel, isn’t it?” She wrapped her arms around Eliza’s shoulders and led her inside.
“I’m sorry, Mom…I should’ve listened to you,” Eliza sobbed. “You were right!”
Iris hugged Eliza. She hated seeing her daughter so heartbroken but was glad she was finally free from that money-grubber, Daniel.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Getty Images
Tell us what you think about this story, and share it with your friends. It might inspire them and brighten their day.
Ally bursts into the church and interrupts the bride, who is about to finish saying her wedding vow. Ally introduces herself as the groom’s ex-girlfriend and accuses him of being a con man.
This piece is inspired by stories from the everyday lives of our readers and written by a professional writer. Any resemblance to actual names or locations is purely coincidental. All images are for illustration purposes only. Share your story with us; maybe it will change someone’s life.
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