My mother-in-lawm. Each time she stepped out, I heard strange voices outside. When I finally saw what it was, I couldn’t move.
When I told Josh I wanted a home birth, his face lit up like a child on Christmas morning. But his mother, Elizabeth, was even more excited. You would have thought we had just given her the keys to a shiny new car.
Oh, Nancy! This is such great news!” Elizabeth exclaimed, putting her hands together. “I have to be there to support you both. I can help with anything you need!”
I looked at Josh, raising my eyebrows. His shrug told me he was leaving the decision up to me.
I don’t know, Elizabeth,” I replied, sounding unsure. “It’s going to be really intense.”
She waved my worries away. “Nonsense! I’ve been through this myself. I know exactly what you’ll need.”
I bit my lip, thinking it over. Maybe having an extra pair of hands wouldn’t be so bad, right? It would also mean a lot to Josh if I invited his mother to help with our home birth.
“Okay,” I finally agreed. “You can be there.”
Elizabeth squealed with delight, her excitement so loud it could have scared the neighborhood dogs.
The big day finally came. Our midwife, Rosie, was setting up her things when Elizabeth rushed in, her arms full of bags.
“You won’t regret this, Nancy,” she said, hugging me tightly. “I promise to be the best support you could ask for.”
“I’m here!” she announced, as if we could have missed her entrance. “What do you need me to do?”
I was about to respond when a contraction hit, taking my breath away. Josh was instantly by my side, his hand on my lower back as I tensed and groaned.
“Just… put your things down for now,” I managed to say.
As the contraction passed, I noticed Elizabeth fidgeting, her eyes darting around the room. She seemed more nervous than excited, and I felt that something was off.
“Are you okay?” I asked, frowning.
She turned, startled. “What? Oh, yes! Just thinking about how I can help. You’re doing great, honey. Just keep pushing.”
Before I could ask her anything else, she rushed out the door, mumbling something about getting me some water.
Josh squeezed my hand. “Want me to talk to her?”
I shook my head. “No, it’s fine. She’s probably just nervous. It’s our first baby, right?”
As my labor went on, Elizabeth’s behavior became stranger. She would pop in, ask how I was doing, then leave again. Each time she returned, she seemed more flustered.
During a strong contraction, I held Josh’s hand so tightly I thought I might break it. As the pain faded, I heard a weird sound.
“Josh,” I panted, “do you hear that?”
He tilted his head to listen. “Sounds like… voices?”
I nodded, relieved I wasn’t imagining it. “And is that music?”
Josh frowned, kissed my forehead, and said, “I’ll check it out. I’ll be right back.”
As he left, Rosie smiled at me. “You’re doing great, Nancy. Not long now.”
When Josh came back, he looked pale, like he had seen a ghost.
“What is it?” I asked, dreading his answer.
He ran his hand through his hair, looking upset. “You’re not going to believe this. My mother is throwing a party. In our living room.”
I stared at him, thinking I must have misheard. “A what?”
“A party,” he repeated, frustration in his voice. “There are at least a dozen people out there.”
The pain of labor was nothing compared to the anger that flooded me. I struggled to get up, ignoring my midwife’s protests.
“Nancy, you shouldn’t—”
“I need to see this for myself,” I growled.
Josh helped me as we made our way to the living room. The scene was surreal. People were chatting and drinking, as if it were a casual Sunday barbecue.
A banner hung on the wall that read: “WELCOME BABY!”
Elizabeth was in the middle of it all, chatting with a group of women I didn’t recognize. She didn’t even notice us.
“What the heck is going on here?” I shouted, my voice slicing through the chatter.
The room went silent, all eyes on us. Elizabeth turned around, her face going pale when she saw me.
“Nancy! Oh my God! What are you doing here? You’re supposed to—”
“Elizabeth, what is happening here?”
“Oh, I… we were just…”
“Just what? Turning my home birth into a show?”
Elizabeth looked offended. “Now, Nancy, don’t be dramatic. We’re just celebrating!”
“Celebrating? I’m in labor, Elizabeth! This isn’t a party!”
She waved her hand dismissively. “Oh, you wouldn’t even know we were here! I thought you’d like the support.”
I felt another contraction coming on and gritted my teeth against the pain and anger. “Support? This is a circus!”
Josh stepped forward, his voice low and serious. “Everyone needs to leave. Now.”
People scrambled to grab their things, and Elizabeth tried one last time. “Nancy, you’re overreacting. This is a happy time!”
I turned to her, my words sharp. “This is my home birth. My moment. If you can’t respect that, you can leave too.”
Without waiting for a response, I waddled back to the bedroom to finish what I started, leaving Josh to handle the chaos.
Hours later, as I held my newborn son, the earlier drama felt like a distant nightmare. Josh sat beside me, eyes full of wonder as he stroked our baby’s cheek.
“He’s perfect!” he whispered.
I nodded, too overwhelmed for words. We enjoyed the quiet until a soft knock at the door broke the peace.
Elizabeth peeked in, her eyes red. “Can I… can I come in?”
My jaw tightened. “No!”
Her face fell. “Please, Nancy. I’m so sorry. I just want to see the baby.”
I looked at Josh, feeling torn. He squeezed my hand gently, his eyes understanding but pleading.
“Fine. Five minutes.”
Elizabeth walked in slowly, as if worried I might change my mind. Her face looked pale and drawn as she came closer to the bed.
“Nancy, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I got so excited and carried away.”
I didn’t respond, just stared at her. Josh cleared his throat. “Do you want to see your grandson, Mom?”
Elizabeth nodded, tears falling as Josh carefully handed our son to her. As she held him, her whole demeanor changed. The party-planner was gone, replaced by a gentle, awed grandmother.
After a few minutes, I spoke up. “It’s time for him to feed.”
Elizabeth nodded and reluctantly gave the baby back to me. She lingered at the door. “Thank you for letting me see him,” she said softly before leaving.
As the door closed, Josh turned to me. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head. “No. What she did… I can’t just forgive and forget, Josh.”
He nodded and pulled me close. “I understand. We’ll work it out together.”
In the weeks that followed, I struggled with how to move on. Part of me wanted to keep Elizabeth away from our son’s first celebration as revenge for her party crash.
I was still angry and hurt, which made it hard to think about including her.
But as I watched her care for our baby during her visits, always respectful of our space and routines, I realized there was a better way.
When it was time to plan the baby’s first party, I picked up the phone and called her.
“Elizabeth? It’s Nancy. I was hoping you could help with the preparations for the baby’s party next weekend.”
There was a long silence on the line. Finally, she spoke. “You want my help? After what I did?”
“Yes. Because this is what family does. We forgive, learn, and move forward together.”
I could hear tears in her voice as she replied, “Oh, Nancy. Thank you. I promise I won’t let you down.”
True to her word, Elizabeth was calm and helpful during the party. She worked quietly in the background, glowing with pride as we introduced our son to family and friends.
As the last guest left, she came up to me, her eyes shining. “Thank you for letting me be part of this, Nancy. I see now that this is how we celebrate: with love and respect.”
I smiled, feeling the barriers between us break down. “That’s right, Elizabeth. Welcome to the family!”
How to Own Your Dream Home
For most people, their first home isn’t their dream home. It starts off nice enough. But as time goes by and your family grows, starter homes tend to get a little . . . cramped.
But don’t hate on your current home too much. Because while it gave you a safe and dry place to lay your head at night, it was also setting you up to own your dream home someday.
We’ll show you how it all works and walk you through the steps that’ll get you in your dream home—one you can actually afford!
How to Get Your Dream Home in 5 Steps
Here are the steps:
- Follow the Financial Basics
- Find Out How Much Equity You Have
- Set Your New Home-Buying Budget
- Find the Right Dream Home for You
- Be Picky and Patient
Now let’s cover each step in more detail.
Step 1: Follow the Financial Basics
First thing’s first—you have to get out of debt, get on a budget, and build up an emergency fund of 3–6 months of expenses. Sounds pretty basic, right? If you haven’t completed these steps, then you’re not ready to upgrade to your dream home . . . yet.
Now, when you’ve got house fever, it can be hard to focus on paying off debt or saving an emergency fund before you upgrade your home—especially when you’re feeling the pressure of rising home prices and interest rates.
But whether it’s your second or third house, you should only buy a home when you’ve covered the financial basics we mentioned above. Then you’ll be ready to start the journey toward owning your dream house.
And that journey starts with your home equity. What’s equity? Well, we’re glad you asked . . . that brings us to the next step.
Step 2: Find Out How Much Equity You Have
Home equity is a pretty simple concept: It’s your current home’s value minus whatever you still owe on your mortgage.
See, in most cases, your home’s value increases over time. Similar to other long-term investments (like retirement accounts), homes gradually increase in value. There have been periods of ups and downs in the market to be sure, but the value of real estate has consistently gone up. According to the St. Louis Federal Reserve, the average sale price of a home has increased over 2,300% from 1965 to 2023! And in the last ten years (2013 to 2023), there’s been a 68% increase.1 As your home increases in value, so does your equity. In real estate terms, this is called appreciation.
Other factors that increase your home’s equity include:
- Added value: Home improvement projects like adding square footage, updating fixtures and appliances, or even just slapping on a new coat of paint can add value to your home.
- Mortgage paydown: Paying down your mortgage not only gets you out of debt faster, it also builds your equity. The less you owe on your home, the more equity you have.
The amount of equity you have gives you a pretty good idea of how much money you’ll end up with after selling your house. You can use that money to make a hefty down payment and cover the other costs that come with buying a home.
Find expert agents to help you buy your home.
So, how do you determine your home’s value? Well, you can get a ballpark estimate on real estate websites like Zillow, ask a trusted real estate agent to perform a competitive market analysis (which they’ll do anyway if they’re helping you sell your house), or get a professional appraisal.
Finding out your home’s equity will involve a little math, but it’s third-grade-level stuff, so don’t sweat it.
Here’s what we mean. Let’s say your home’s current value is $355,000. When you sell that house, you’ll have to pay for between 1–3% of the sale price in closing costs, another 6% in fees for the real estate agent who helped you sell it, and whatever’s left to pay off on your mortgage.
That means you can estimate clearing over $223,000 from selling your house. That’s a killer down payment on your dream home! And if your home is paid off, that’s even more money to put down and use to pay for things like repairs and moving expenses.
Step 3: Set Your Dream Home Budget
Once you know how much you’ll clear from the sale of your home, you can start making a budget for your dream home.
The key to owning your dream home (instead of it owning you) is to keep your mortgage payment to no more than 25% of your take-home pay on a 15-year fixed-rate mortgage, along with paying a down payment of at least 20% to avoid private mortgage insurance (PMI). Never get a 30-year mortgage even if the bank offers it (and they will). You’d pay a fortune in interest—money that should go toward building your wealth, not the bank’s.
So, let’s say your take-home pay is $4,800 a month. That means your monthly mortgage payment shouldn’t be any bigger than $1,200. By the way, that 25% figure should also include other home fees collected every month with the mortgage payment like homeowners association (HOA) fees, insurance premiums and property taxes.
Plug your numbers into our mortgage calculator to see how much house you can afford.
And don’t forget to budget for all those other costs that come with the home-buying process in addition to your closing fees—things like moving expenses and any upgrades or repairs you might need to make. You don’t want these hidden costs to catch you off guard or drain your emergency fund.
Step 4: Find the Right Dream Home for You
This is where things get real. After all your hard work building up your equity (and doing a lot of math—don’t forget that), you’re finally ready to start the house hunt. Woo-hoo!
But don’t lose focus. Stay zoned in by making a list of features that make a home fit your budget, lifestyle and dreams—and stick to it throughout your house hunt. Here are a few ideas to get you started.
- Don’t compromise on location and layout. If you plan to be in this home for the long haul, an out-of-the-way neighborhood or a wacky floor plan is a deal breaker. Look for a community and layout that’ll suit your lifestyle now and for years to come.
- Think about how much space your family needs. While your budget has the final say about how much home you buy, you’ll want your dream home to fit your family’s needs through different life seasons.
- Consider the school districts. If you have or want kids, the quality of the nearby school districts is probably already on your mind. But even if you don’t have kids or you’re retired, keep in mind that having good schools nearby could increase your home’s value.
- Look for a house that’ll grow in value. Are home values rising in the area? Is the number of businesses going up? These factors can help you figure out whether your dream home will turn into a good investment.
- Count the costs. Want that fancy master bathroom with the multiple showerheads and the Jacuzzi tub? Be clear on what’s a must-have and what’s nice to have. And don’t forget, upgraded features like that will make your dream home more expensive.
Step 5: Be Picky and Patient
We know you’re anxious to get into those new digs, but be patient. Wait for the right house at the right time. Don’t spend your money on a less-than-ideal home just because you’re tired of looking.
The key is finding a good real estate agent who understands your budget and refuses to settle for “good enough.” They’re as committed to your dream as you are and will have your back throughout the entire process, no matter what it takes.
In addition to teaming up with a great real estate agent, you can take a couple of extra steps to make sure you’re ready to strike as soon as the right home comes up:
- Get preapproved for a 15-year fixed-rate mortgage. Having preapproved financing is a green flag for sellers—especially in multiple offer situations. And because this puts most of your information in the lender’s system, you’ll be on the fast track to closing once your offer is accepted.
- Offer earnest money with your bid. Earnest money is a deposit to show you’re truly interested in a home. Usually it’s 1–2% of the home’s purchase price and it’s applied to your down payment or closing costs. Even if the deal falls through, you can almost always get most of it back.
Find a Real Estate Expert in Your Local Market
Now, you might be thinking you have some work to do before you’re ready to find your dream home. Or you may be realizing your years of hard work are about to pay off! Regardless, if you follow these steps, you’ll find the house you’ve always wanted and avoid a purchase you’ll regret.
Once you’re ready, connect with one of our RamseyTrusted real estate agents. These are high-performing agents who do business the Ramsey way and share your values so you can rest easy knowing the search for your dream home is in the right hands.
Find the only real estate agents in your area we trust, and start the hunt for your dream home!
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