The old house, usually echoing with the phantom sounds of laughter and the clatter of family dinners, was unnervingly silent. Arnold, his 93 years etched into the lines of his face, sat in his favorite armchair, the fading afternoon light casting long shadows across the room. He had meticulously prepared for this day, his birthday, a milestone he had hoped to share with the five children he and his beloved wife had raised.
He had sent out invitations, not just any invitations, but handwritten letters, each one filled with the warmth of his love and the anticipation of their reunion. He longed to see their faces, to hear their voices, not through the cold, impersonal medium of a phone call, but in person, with hugs and shared stories.
The morning had begun with a flutter of excitement, each distant car sound a potential herald of their arrival. He had set the dining table, five empty chairs waiting patiently, each one a silent testament to the love he held for his children. But as the hours ticked by, the excitement waned, replaced by a gnawing sense of disappointment.
He tried calling, his fingers trembling as he dialed each number. Voicemail after voicemail, each unanswered call a tiny pinprick to his heart. It dawned on him, with a chilling clarity, that he would be spending this special day alone, a solitary figure in a house filled with memories.
He stared at the empty chairs, his mind drifting back to the days when they were filled with the boisterous energy of his children, their laughter echoing through the house, their faces alight with joy. He remembered birthdays past, filled with homemade cakes and silly games, with hugs and kisses and whispered “I love yous.”
The silence in the house grew heavier, pressing down on him like a physical weight. He felt a pang of loneliness, a deep ache in his heart. He had always been a man of resilience, a man who found joy in the simple things. But today, the silence was deafening, the loneliness unbearable.
He rose from his armchair, his movements slow and deliberate, and walked to the window. The sun was setting, casting a warm, golden glow across the garden. He watched as the shadows lengthened, stretching across the lawn like long, reaching fingers.
Just as he was about to turn away, a sound pierced the silence. The doorbell rang, a sharp, insistent chime that startled him. He hesitated, his heart pounding in his chest. Could it be?
He walked to the door, his footsteps echoing in the empty hallway. He opened the door, and his breath caught in his throat.
Standing on the porch were not his five children, but a group of young people, their faces filled with warmth and kindness. They were his neighbors, the ones he had waved to over the years, the ones he had shared a kind word with.
“Mr. Arnold,” a young woman said, her voice gentle, “we heard it was your birthday. We wanted to wish you a happy birthday.”
Behind her, a young man held a large cake, its candles flickering in the evening breeze. Others held balloons and small gifts.
Arnold’s eyes filled with tears. He was overwhelmed, touched by their unexpected gesture of kindness. He had been so focused on his children, on the family he had created, that he had overlooked the community around him, the people who cared.
They came inside, filling the house with laughter and chatter. They sang “Happy Birthday,” their voices a chorus of warmth and affection. They shared stories and memories, their presence a comforting balm to his loneliness.
As the evening wore on, Arnold felt a sense of peace settling over him. He realized that family wasn’t just about blood, it was about connection, about shared experiences, about the kindness of strangers.
He looked at the young people around him, their faces glowing in the candlelight, and he knew that he wasn’t alone. He had a community, a network of support, a family of friends.
He blew out the candles on his cake, a small smile playing on his lips. He had spent his 93rd birthday alone, but he hadn’t spent it lonely. He had learned a valuable lesson that day: that even in the face of disappointment, there is always kindness, there is always connection, there is always hope. And that, he realized, was a gift more precious than any he could have received from his children.
Matt Heath: My parting message: Enjoy things while they are around
A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
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