A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
My Son’s Unexpected Find in My Boyfriend’s Room Changed Everything
Mia, a single mom, felt hopeful about her new boyfriend, Jake. They planned a weekend trip to his childhood beach house, and it seemed perfect. But everything changed when her son Luke found a hidden box full of bones, turning their getaway into a nightmare.
Hi, I’m Mia, and I teach fourth grade. I love my job because it lets me shape young minds and gives me time to spend with my son, Luke.
Being a single mom is tough, but I’ve raised Luke mostly on my own for five years. His dad isn’t really in the picture, so weekends with him are more of a distant memory for Luke.
Things started to change four months ago when I met Jake. He’s also a teacher, kind-hearted, and his laugh lights up his face. The best part? Jake loves kids.
But I wasn’t sure how Luke would feel about me dating someone new. He had always been so attached to me, and I worried that sharing my time with another man might upset him.
Still, I knew it was time to introduce Luke to Jake, even though it made me a bit nervous. After thinking about it for days, I finally decided to go for it.
“Hey, Luke-a-doodle,” I said one sunny afternoon, finding him busy with his elaborate Lego set. “How about meeting someone special for lunch this weekend?”
Luke looked up, a playful sparkle in his eyes. “Special, huh? Like superhero special or birthday cake special?”
“More like friend special,” I replied, feeling a bit nervous. “His name is Jake, and he’s a teacher too, just like me.”
Luke frowned. “Another teacher? Does he have a beard like Mr. Henderson?”
Mr. Henderson, our friendly custodian, was famous among the kids for his impressive salt-and-pepper beard.
I laughed. “No beard, but he has a really cool laugh.”
Finally, Saturday came. With a mix of excitement and nerves, I took Luke to a local pizzeria to meet Jake.
At first, Luke clung to my leg, unsure. But Jake quickly made him feel comfortable.
“Hey there, Luke!” Jake said with a big smile, crouching down to meet him. “I’m Jake. Your mom says you’re a Lego master?”
Luke looked at me first, then back at Jake. I saw a spark of curiosity in his eyes. He slowly took Jake’s hand, gripping it firmly.
“Yeah, I can build spaceships and T-Rexes!” Luke replied proudly.
“Awesome!” Jake said. “Maybe you can teach me a thing or two sometime. I’m pretty bad at anything more complicated than a simple tower.”
That got Luke excited, and I could see his confidence growing.
The rest of the afternoon was filled with dinosaur facts, Lego tips, and Jake’s (not-so-great) attempts to copy Luke’s builds.
By the time we left the pizzeria, Luke couldn’t stop talking about Jake’s “funny laugh.”
That first lunch was just the start. Over the next few weeks, we enjoyed many outings together: picnics in the park, trips to the zoo, and even a hilarious (but messy) bowling game.
After several weekends of fun and a growing bond, Jake and I decided it was time to take our relationship to the next level.
Recently, Jake invited us to his parents’ house by the ocean. He thought it would be a great getaway for all of us.
Honestly, the idea of a relaxing weekend by the sea sounded perfect. Luke was excited too.
When we arrived, Jake’s parents, Martha and William, welcomed us with warm hugs. Their house had a cozy charm that reminded me of childhood summers.
“Come on, let me show you guys my old stomping ground!” Jake said, leading us up a creaky wooden staircase.
At the top of the stairs, Jake opened the door to a room.
“This is it,” he said proudly. “My haven, unchanged since I moved out for college.”
The room was a blast from Jake’s teenage past. Faded posters of rock bands covered the walls, their edges curling with age.
“Wow,” I said, feeling a wave of nostalgia.
Meanwhile, Luke raced across the room, his eyes wide with excitement.
He knelt beside a dusty box filled with plastic figures and tiny race cars.
“Cool toys, Jake!” Luke shouted.
Jake laughed, grabbing a handful of the toys. “These guys are veterans of countless battles,” he said, kneeling next to Luke. “Want to see if they can still hold their own?”
Luke’s face lit up. “Can I play with them here?”
“Absolutely,” Jake winked.
As Luke started playing, Jake took my hand and pulled me closer.
“What’s wrong, Luke?” I asked, my heart racing.
“Mom, we need to leave now because Jake…” Luke’s voice trembled, and his eyes were wide with fear.
“What about Jake?” I pressed, trying to stay calm.
“He was in his old room! I found something… something creepy!” Luke exclaimed, pulling me harder toward the door.
Confused and worried, I knelt down to his level. “What did you see, honey?”
He took a deep breath. “There was a box with bones in it!”
My stomach dropped as I glanced back at the stairs, feeling a mix of concern and disbelief.
“Calm down, sweetie. What’s wrong?” I knelt beside him, trying to soothe his anxiety.
“I found a strange box with bones in his room. We need to go!” he blurted out.
“What do you mean, bones?” I asked, my heart pounding.
“In a box, under his bed. Real bones, Mom!”
I stared at him, my mind racing with possibilities. Had I trusted Jake too quickly? He had always seemed so kind and caring.
Could he really be hiding something so sinister? Doubts crept in, and I felt a chill run down my spine.
We spent the rest of the day relaxing by the ocean, the earlier tension slowly fading. That strange incident marked the start of a deeper bond between us, and now we often look back on it with a smile.
Jake even chuckles about how I rushed out of the house with Luke that day, calling it a memorable adventure. It brought us closer, and I knew I had made the right choice in letting him into our lives.
Leave a Reply