A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
Struggling to Find Love, She Matched with a Mystery Man Online and His Real Identity Blew Her Away – Story of the Day
Megan’s chaotic gala planning took an unexpected turn when she matched with a witty “MysteriousMovieGuy” on a dating app. Weeks of banter led to an invite to meet at the gala, but he declined, citing work. Little did she know, their worlds were about to collide most surprisingly.
Megan leaned back in her chair, pressing her fingers to her temples as the noise in the study room grew louder.
It was supposed to be a “think tank” session for the upcoming charity gala, but it had spiraled into chaos.
Papers were scattered across the table, coffee cups were dangerously close to spilling, and her friends were more interested in debating snack options than solving the real problem.
“Can we focus, please?” Megan groaned, her tone edged with frustration.
“The gala is in three weeks, and we still don’t have a keynote speaker. You know, the person who’s supposed to inspire the audience?”
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
Sarah, sitting cross-legged in her chair, tapped her pen thoughtfully.
“What about that guy who wrote the book on workplace dynamics? He’s local and pretty well-known.”
Megan wrinkled her nose. “Too dry. We need someone engaging, someone who won’t put the audience to sleep.”
From the corner of the room, Liam snorted.
“Engaging, like you? Miss Overachiever herself?” He leaned back with a smug grin, clearly enjoying her irritation.
Megan shot him a withering look but didn’t respond. Instead, she reached for her phone, desperate for a distraction.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
A buzz on her screen caught her attention—a notification from the dating app she’d reluctantly joined a few weeks ago.
New match! Hello, you seem interesting. Tell me about the worst movie you’ve ever seen?
Megan’s lips twitched into a faint smile. She typed back without hesitation:
“Easy. That one where the dog talks like a frat boy. And you?”
The reply came almost instantly:
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
“The one about the volcano and the cloud. Who thought that was a good idea?”
She chuckled, the tension in her shoulders easing as she read the response.
The conversation flowed effortlessly from there, pulling her into a world far removed from the chaos of the study room.
“What’s so funny?” Sarah asked, leaning over to peek at Megan’s phone.
“Nothing,” Megan said quickly, locking the screen and shoving the phone into her bag.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
But as the group continued their debate, Megan found her thoughts drifting back to the witty stranger on her screen.
For the first time that day, she felt herself relax, the weight of the gala temporarily forgotten.
Megan sat cross-legged on her couch, her laptop open but ignored as she scrolled through her messages with “MysteriousMovieGuy.”
Over the past few weeks, their chats had become her favorite part of the day.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
She’d found herself looking forward to his clever responses, hilarious take on bad movies, and the surprising depth he showed when talking about life.
She typed a quick message: “Pineapple on pizza is still a crime against humanity.”
The reply came seconds later. “Agreed. But we can all agree that garlic bread is sacred, right?”
Megan grinned, leaning her head back against the cushions. It was strange how easy it was to talk to him.
They’d swapped embarrassing childhood stories, debated their dream travel destinations (he wanted to hike the Andes; she dreamed of seeing the Northern Lights), and even created a ridiculous running joke about opening a “bad movie appreciation club.”
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
Yet, despite all the banter and laughs, they hadn’t met in person. Megan didn’t mind at first—it felt like a fun escape from reality.
But now? Now, she wanted to meet him and see if their connection held up in the real world.
Picking up her phone, she typed out a bold message:
“Want to meet tonight? I’ll be at this fancy event, so it could be a fun surprise!”
She hit send before she could overthink it, her heart racing.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
The minutes ticked by. She checked her phone, refreshing the chat, her stomach twisting in nervous anticipation.
Finally, her phone buzzed. She opened the app to see his reply:
“I’d love to, but I can’t. I have a work obligation. Rain check?”
Megan sighed, the disappointment settling over her like a blanket. She stared at the screen, her mind racing with questions.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
What kind of “work obligation” did he have? Was he making an excuse?
Pushing those thoughts aside, she typed back:
“Of course. Good luck with work!”
Setting her phone down, Megan let out a long breath. Tonight would be busy enough with the gala.
Still, a small part of her wished he could’ve been there, even just to see if he was as wonderful in person as he was behind the screen.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
The College Ballroom buzzed with energy, the air filled with the hum of conversation and the clinking of glasses.
Megan moved gracefully between tables, her clipboard in hand, ensuring everything ran like clockwork.
The soft glow of the chandeliers cast a golden sheen over the crowd, reflecting off her sequined dress.
Despite the glamour and success of the evening, a faint disappointment lingered in the back of her mind.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
“Megan!” Sarah called from across the room. “The dessert table’s running low. Should we bring out the backups?”
“Go ahead,” Megan replied, offering a distracted smile. She glanced at her watch, wondering when the keynote speech would begin.
Near the bar, Liam leaned casually against the counter, sipping his drink like he had no care in the world. Megan made a beeline for him, her heels clicking on the polished floor.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
“Where’s the keynote speaker?” she asked, exasperation creeping into her voice.
Liam gave her one of his trademark smirks. “He’s here. Relax, you’ll love him.”
“Liam—” she started, but the emcee’s voice interrupted her.
“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our keynote speaker, Chris!”
Megan turned toward the stage as polite applause filled the room. Her eyes widened as Chris stepped into the spotlight.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
He was tall, with a confident stride that exuded charisma. His sharp suit fit perfectly, and his easy smile was enough to disarm even the most skeptical guest.
Her breath hitched. There was something about the way he carried himself, his natural charm.
She didn’t recognize his voice but found herself captivated as he spoke. His humor was effortless, his anecdotes sharp and relatable.
The audience laughed and nodded along, hanging on his every word.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
Megan’s heart raced, though she couldn’t quite pinpoint why.
There was something eerily familiar about him—his mannerisms, playful wit, and the way he used just the right amount of self-deprecation.
When Chris wrapped up his speech, the crowd was on its feet, applauding enthusiastically. Megan clapped along, her mind swirling with questions.
“See?” Liam said, nudging her arm. “Told you he was good.”
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
Megan barely heard him. She was too busy trying to shake the strange feeling in her chest. Who was this guy, and why did he seem so… familiar?
The hum of conversation filled the air as the gala afterparty hit its stride.
Guests lingered around the ballroom, their laughter and chatter blending with the soft clink of glasses.
Megan, still buzzing from the night’s success, scanned the room. Her eyes landed on Chris, casually leaning against the bar, a half-empty glass in his hand.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
“Okay, Megan,” she muttered, gathering her courage. “Time to stop overthinking.”
Her heels clicked softly as she approached him. He didn’t notice her until she was just a few feet away.
“Great speech,” she said, offering a confident smile.
Chris turned, surprised, his expression quickly shifting to warm amusement. “Thanks,” he replied. “Glad you enjoyed it.”
“I’m Megan,” she said, extending her hand.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
“Chris,” he replied, shaking it firmly. His grip was steady, his demeanor calm, but there was a flicker of curiosity in his eyes.
“So,” Megan began, her tone light, “what’s a keynote speaker like you doing standing here all alone?”
Chris chuckled, gesturing to his phone.
“Actually, I’m not alone. I’m talking to someone.”
Megan’s curiosity got the better of her as her gaze drifted to his screen.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
Her heart skipped a beat when she caught sight of the familiar text exchange. The last message read:
“Rain check?”
She froze, her breath catching.
“Wait… are you ‘MysteriousMovieGuy’?”
Chris’s eyes widened, realization dawning as he stared at her. “And you’re… MovieBuff123?”
For a moment, they both stood there, stunned. Then Megan let out a laugh, equal parts disbelief and amusement.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
“You’re the guy I’ve been texting?” she said, her voice rising slightly.
“And you didn’t think to mention you were a keynote speaker?”
Chris grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Didn’t exactly come up. And you didn’t mention you were the gala organizer.”
Megan folded her arms, a playful smirk on her lips.
“Touché.”
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
They laughed, the tension between them easing into something warmer.
“So,” Chris said, setting his drink on the bar and leaning slightly closer, “what now? Still want that rain check?”
Megan tilted her head, pretending to consider. “How about dinner instead? You owe me for dodging me earlier.”
“Fair enough,” he said, his grin widening.
Megan’s mind buzzed with questions and possibilities as they left the bar. But for the first time that night, she wasn’t overthinking.
She was just… excited.
She realized that sometimes, the best surprises aren’t planned. Sometimes, life connects the dots in its own unexpected, beautiful way.
Tell us what you think about this story, and share it with your friends. It might inspire them and brighten their day.
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