Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue actually wrote the marital handbook.
The long-married couple’s book, What Makes a Marriage Last: Insider Stories, contains personal facts about their marriage. Forty Well-Known Couples Share Their Secrets with Us.
The most fascinating revelation made by Marlo is that, even though she and Phil have been married for over 40 years, she never really wanted to get married.
The famous person expressed in the book her previously negative opinion of the institution, saying that marriage is like a vacuum cleaner that sucks away all of your ambition and vitality when you stick it to your ear.
Thomas frequently shares her opinions, likening marriage to having to placate a prisoner. That is, until she met Donahue.
Phil Donahue and Marlo Thomas met following the dissolution of their first marriage, and they have remained lifelong friends ever since.
The Phil Donahue Show, which was eventually renamed as simply “Donahue,” was the vehicle through which Phil Donahue first gained popular recognition. For the first time, audience members participated in the program, which ran for 29 years. One of the visitors on his show who radically changed his life’s trajectory was Marlo Thomas.
The book claims that the two met in 1977 in Chicago, when Phil was bringing four children with him. His fifth child, a daughter, lived somewhere else with her mother and ex-wife.
Marlo and Phil dated for three years before being married in 1980 in front of a small wedding party of thirty-five guests.
Not surprise, Marlo’s friends and family were taken aback by the actress’s sudden change of heart. A hilarious story of Marlo’s bridal shower, where visitors hung notes from the soon-to-be bride that disclosed her past views on marriage, is featured in the couple’s book.
The book claims that Marlo’s mother was the most shocked of all, asking Donahue, “How did you get her to do this?” throughout the nuptials of the pair.
Reportedly, among other emotions, even total strangers voiced shock at the well-known social activist’s decision to get married. While Phil was in the lavatory, a passenger on the airplane the couple took to Greece for their honeymoon expressed displeasure to Marlo, presumably disappointed that she had given up her old independent streak.
In the book, Thomas is honest enough to acknowledge that something was unclear when they spoke. After all her life condemning marriage, was she suddenly a hypocrite for getting married? Had she let those down who held her in high regard as the embodiment of self-reliance?
Even though Donahue and Thomas discuss the usual ups and downs of their long marriage in the book, they manage to make their marriage work to this day. They describe these problems as teaching moments that deepened their relationship.
The couple had been apart from the beginning of their marriage, with Phil traveling to Chicago to tape his show and Marlo traveling to pursue her acting career.
Thomas had a greater understanding of how different individuals define marriage when his aunt said that the couple’s union was void because they weren’t living together exclusively. In spite of their separation, Thomas and Donahue were able to keep their marriage together. Significantly, Marlo’s marriage resulted in her having children.
In a 2012 interview with AARP, Thomas reflected on her experience helping Phil raise his kids, stating she went into it knowing that they already had a traditional mother and that would not be her role.
Rather, Marlo claims that she began to treat Phil’s children more like friends in an effort to mimic the parenting style of her own mother. She continues by saying that she feels more connected to them today than she did at the start of their marriage.
Donahue points out that Thomas really did strive to understand the lads in the book and spent as much time as she could getting to know his sons.
Phil and Marlo believe that their long marriage is a result of her strong bond with his kids and their mutual faith in each other. “You build trust when you realize that this person always has your back,” says Marlo in clarification.
Despite being married for more than 40 years, they still have more memories to make.
Phil goes on to argue that a marriage has to be desired by both parties in order for it to last. Marlo says she would never want to be anything other than married to her lover, echoing his sentiments. She claims that Donahue has assisted her “in every manner possible.”
When two people truly commit to one another, marriage is an incredibly lovely union that is made much more beautiful.
These two have a lot to teach and inspire us all. As satisfying as their relationship is, we should all strive to be in one!
After returning from my honeymoon, I discovered a large black box in my hallway — the shocking contents inside turned my world upside down
When Lori and Chris return from their dreamy honeymoon, they are eager to welcome life as a married couple. But as they enter their home, they find a large black box in their hallway. What would have been a wedding present turns into the very thing that destroys their relationship…
The moment we got home, everything felt perfect. The trip had been beautiful, with turquoise waters and sandy beaches, and Chris and I had no worries in the world. All we wanted to do was bask in the bliss of our wedding and the anticipation of our married life together.
As we walked through our front door, everything looked exactly as we had left it, down to the perfectly fluffed couch cushions. Except for the massive black box sitting in the hallway.
I stopped in my tracks.
“What is that?” I asked, the words hanging between us.
I would have thought that maybe it was a welcome-home gift from Chris, but the look on his face told me that it wasn’t.
Chris shrugged, frowning.
“That wasn’t here when we left,” he said.
A note rested on the hallway table beside it, the writing jagged and unfamiliar. I picked it up, feeling a chill in the air.
Lori, open this alone.
I handed it to Chris. We stared at the note, then the box, the weight of it settling into my stomach like a bad premonition.
“Are you sure it’s not from you?” I asked him.
“No, darling,” he said, his frown setting deeper.
“I don’t like this one bit,” I said.
“Well, let’s open it together,” Chris suggested, his tone calm but his eyes cautious. “Just in case it’s something dangerous, you know?”
I nodded. I trusted him completely. Whatever this was, we’d face it side by side. That’s how it’s supposed to be when you’re married, right?
Chris grabbed a knife from the kitchen and carefully cut through the tape. I held my breath as he pulled the flaps open. Inside was something soft—a huge stuffed bear, bigger than anything I’d ever seen, with a giant red heart sewn onto its chest.
We both blinked.
“Seriously?” Chris muttered, his tension evaporating.
I laughed.
“Someone must be messing with us,” he laughed.
“It’s a bit creepy, if I’m being honest,” I said.
“Yeah, let’s just throw it into the basement until we figure out what to do with it. Maybe we should donate it.”
But I wasn’t so sure. Something about the bear felt off. I stepped closer, eyeing the heart on its chest, where the words “Press Me” were embroidered in tiny script.
“I don’t know…” I hesitated, reaching toward the toy.
“Go ahead,” Chris urged when he saw the script. “It’s just a toy. Let’s see what it has to say.”
I pressed the heart, not knowing that our entire world was about to collapse.
A little girl’s voice echoed from the bear.
“Daddy? Daddy, are you there?”
Chris froze beside me. I turned to him, wanting to understand the change in his demeanor. His face was pale, his eyes wide.
The voice continued.
“Daddy, when are you coming to see me? I miss you.”
I felt my pulse hammering in my throat, making me nauseous. The room was suddenly too small. Chris wouldn’t even look at me.
“Daddy, will you come today? Will you come visit me? I’m still in the hospital…”
Then, another voice. A deeper, familiar voice cut through the silence.
“I’m busy, sweetheart. I’ll visit soon.”
It was Chris.
I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach.
“Chris?” I whispered. “That’s you? Really?”
The recording continued.
“Please, Daddy? It’s lonely and cold here. Mom is working…”
“I can’t, Kira,” Chris said. “I have things to do.”
There was a beep, and the recording stopped. But the conversation lingered in the air like smoke, suffocating us both. I couldn’t breathe.
“Is this… is this real or some horrible joke?” I asked flatly.
Chris stared at the floor, his hands shaking.
Who was this man? Had I really married a man who had an entire past that I didn’t know about?
“Lori, I don’t know what to say,” Chris started saying.
But I barely heard him. Next to the bear, something caught my eye. A white envelope tucked into the box. I grabbed it, ripped it open, and unfolded the letter inside.
I took a deep breath before reading the letter:
Lori,
Three years ago, your husband abandoned his sick daughter and myself. Our little girl had cancer. Chris promised to help, but one day, he disappeared. He just moved to another state, leaving us behind without a word. I worked multiple jobs, trying to pay for her treatments, which cost me precious moments with my child.
In the end, nothing was enough. The surgery didn’t work. The treatment didn’t work. She died, Lori. My child died at five years old. And all she had left was this toy he sent her before vanishing from our lives. I bet he doesn’t even remember.
I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. My vision blurred, and the room tilted as if the ground was giving way beneath my feet.
I read on, allowing the words to slice me open.
I’m not writing this letter for revenge. I just want you to know the kind of man you’re with. If he could leave a dying child—his dying child—imagine what he’ll do to you when life gets tough. Will he leave you and your child, too? Attached are court documents. I’m filing for child support for the years he abandoned us. I’m not doing this to hurt you. But I wanted to warn you, woman to woman—this man isn’t who he says.
My mind swirled, and my nausea grew worse, but I forced myself to look at the papers inside the envelope. They were court documents, just like the letter said.
“Chris, is this true?” I asked.
But he was already backing away.
“Stand and talk to me!” I shrieked.
“I thought… I thought I could leave it all behind, Lori,” he said. “I swear, I didn’t mean for you to find out like this.”
“Leave it behind?” I spat the words at him, disbelief crashing over me. “You had a daughter. A sick daughter! And you just left her!”
He shook his head, as if trying to shake the truth away.
“I thought I could start over, Lori,” he said.
“You thought you could erase them? Pretend like they never existed? Just move on, like nothing happened?”
Visions of a sick child clouded my brain.
Chris’s silence answered my question. I felt disgust churn in my stomach. The man I had just married, the man that I thought I knew so well…
Now, he was nothing but a stranger.
“I can’t do this,” I said. “I can’t stay married to you. I can’t stay married to a man who could abandon his own child. For goodness’ sake, Chris. I can’t even look at you.”
“Lori, please,” he begged. “I can explain it all.”
“Just take your things and get out,” I said.
“Lori, you don’t mean that. We just got married. We can fix this. We can talk it through.”
“No,” I said. “You lied to me. You lied to her. You let that little girl die thinking that you didn’t care about her. I can’t be with someone like that… I can’t think about having a family with someone like that.”
Chris opened his mouth to argue, but no words came out. He turned away, and I watched as he gathered his things in silence.
When he finally walked out the door, the house felt unnervingly quiet. I stood alone in the hallway, the black box still open, the stuffed bear sitting there like some twisted reminder of everything that had unfolded.
I made myself a cup of tea and went to sit outside on the porch. I couldn’t imagine that I was here, sitting and thinking about filing for divorce the next day.
I had been married for a solid 17 days. A part of me wondered if Chris and I could have moved past this…
But what would it say about me? That I didn’t see anything wrong with a man who left his family just because things were dark and difficult?
No. I couldn’t do that.
What would you have done?
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