Laughter truly is the best medicine, and who doesn’t love a good joke to brighten their day? From kids and animals to life’s quirky moments, these 12 jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone.
Whether you’re looking for a quick chuckle or a laugh-out-loud moment, we’ve got you covered. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a collection of humor that’s as diverse as it is hilarious.
Friends laughing at something on a cell phone | Source: Pexels
The Parrot and the Burglar
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house. As he tiptoed through the living room, a booming voice stopped him in his tracks: “Jesus is watching you!”
Terrified, he froze, but when silence returned, he crept forward again.
The voice echoed once more, “Jesus is watching you!”
Panicking, the burglar scanned the room and spotted a parrot in a cage.
“Was that you?” he asked.
A burglar holding his hands against his head | Source: Pexels
“Yes,” the parrot replied.
Relieved, the burglar asked, “What’s your name?”
“Moses,” said the bird.
“Moses? That’s a dumb name for a parrot. What idiot named you that?”
A parrot in a birdcage | Source: Pexels
The parrot squawked, “The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus.”
Moses’ quick wit is just the start of this laughter-filled journey. As we turn the page to the next joke, prepare for a story that combines a bit of mystery with a generous dose of hilarity. Hold onto your sides as we dive into this playful tale by the cemetery.
The Nutty Cemetery Mix-Up
Two boys were sitting behind a nut tree near a cemetery fence, dividing a bucket of nuts. The bucket was so full that some nuts fell out and rolled away, ending up near the fence. The boys ignored them for now and continued dividing the nuts in the bucket.
Nuts lying on grass | Source: Pexels
“One for you, one for me,” they chanted.
A third boy cycling by heard the voices and thought, “It’s Satan and St. Peter dividing souls!” Terrified, he rushed to an old man further down the road. After much persuasion, the old man hobbled over with him to see what the boy was talking about.
Peering through the fence, they heard, “One for you, one for me…”
Trembling, the old man whispered, “This is real!”
A shocked elderly man peering through a fence | Source: Midjourney
But just as they braced themselves, the boys finished dividing the nuts and said, “Now let’s fetch the ones by the fence.”
The old man reportedly made it back to town five minutes before the boy.
Those mischievous boys by the cemetery certainly knew how to spark some laughs. But now, let’s shift gears to a family situation with a humorous twist. This next joke shows just how creative (or not) some relatives can be when left in charge.
The Twin Naming Fiasco
A man attending a conference overseas got the news that his wife had given birth to twins. Excited, he called her and asked, “Who took you to the hospital?”
A happy man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Pexels
“Your brother, Joe,” she replied. “And since I was under anesthesia, he also named the babies.”
Horrified, the husband exclaimed, “Joe’s a moron! What did he name them?”
“Well, we have a girl and a boy. He named the girl Deniece.”
“That’s not so bad. What about the boy?”
A thoughtful man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Pexels
“Joe called him De-nephew.”
Joe’s naming antics were nothing short of entertaining, weren’t they? But hold on, because this next tale introduces a farmer who takes communication to a whole new level. Get ready to laugh as a lawyer struggles to decode a farmer’s quirky requests.
The Farmer’s Divorce Dilemma
A farmer walked into a lawyer’s office and said, “I want a day-vorce.”
A farmer standing in a lawyer’s office | Source: Midjourney
The lawyer asked, “What grounds do you have?”
“About 140 acres,” the farmer replied.
Exasperated, the lawyer asked, “Do you have a grudge?”
“Sure do—that’s where I park my tractor.”
Finally, the lawyer shouted, “Why do you want a divorce?”
A lawyer leaning on his desk, looking frustrated | Source: Pexels
The farmer sighed, “I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.”
The farmer’s take on communication left us in stitches, but the humor doesn’t stop there. This time, we’re jumping into the world of a frog with an unusual destiny. Get ready for a ribbit-ing prediction that’s bound to crack you up.
The Frog’s Unfortunate Prediction
A frog called a psychic hotline.
A frog on a table | Source: Pexels
He was thrilled when the psychic told him, “In the next month, you’ll meet a beautiful young woman. She’s going to be fascinated by you and want to know everything about you.”
“Where will I meet her?” the frog asked eagerly. “Will we be at a party? Or, maybe she’ll be strolling past my home?”
The psychic replied, “None of those. You’ll meet her in her biology class next semester.”
A woman speaking into a headset microphone | Source: Pexels
Just when you thought things couldn’t get more unexpected, we’ve got a wartime confession that’s equal parts surprising and amusing. This joke reveals how even serious situations can take a turn for the hilariously awkward. Let’s dive in.
The Never-Ending War
A man in Amsterdam confessed to his priest, “During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic.”
“That’s not a sin,” the priest reassured him. “You helped someone in need.”
A priest listening to a confession | Source: Pexels
“But I charged him 20 Gulden a week,” the man added.
“That wasn’t good, but you still saved his life,” said the priest.
The man lets out a deep sigh. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am to hear you say that. But tell me, Father, do I have to tell him the war’s over?” asked the man.
A man confessing his sins to a priest | Source: Pexels
That moral dilemma from WWII had quite the twist, didn’t it? Now, let’s step into the workplace for a story of pure comedic misfortune. Brace yourself for a laugh-out-loud moment that could only happen to someone truly unlucky.
The Iron Phone Incident
Mark showed up to work with two red, sore ears.
His coworker asked, “What happened?”
A man working on a construction site glancing to one side | Source: Pexels
Mark explained, “I was ironing while watching TV. When the phone rang, I picked up the iron instead.”
“And the other ear?”
“The guy called back.”
Mark’s phonecall mishap had us in tears, but this next one takes us to a fast-food joint where sharing gets a hilarious spin. Get ready for a tale of an elderly couple who redefine the concept of “togetherness” in the quirkiest way possible.
Sharing is Caring
An elderly couple walked into a fast-food restaurant and ordered one burger and a small order of fries. As they sat down, they carefully split everything: the burger, the fries, even the drink.
A burger and fries on a table | Source: Pexels
A trucker watching nearby felt sorry for them and offered to buy the wife her own meal.
The husband politely declined, saying, “Oh, no, thank you. We share everything.”
A few minutes later, the trucker noticed that while the husband was eating, the wife hadn’t touched a bite.
Concerned, he asked, “Why aren’t you eating?”
A trucker seated in a fast-food restaurant | Source: Midjourney
The wife replied sharply, “Because I’m waiting for the teeth!”
From fast-food hilarity to a nocturnal adventure, this next joke is a real screamer—or should we say squeaker? Join us as we enter the world of bats with a twist that’s both dark and uproarious.
The Blind Bat
A vampire bat returned to his cave covered in blood, only to be hounded by others asking where he got the blood.
Bats hanging in a cave | Source: Pexels
Finally, he led them through a forest and pointed to a tree.
“Do you see that tree?” he asked.
“YES!” they screamed.
“Good,” he said, “because I didn’t!”
That bat’s nocturnal adventure was one for the books, but now it’s time for a lighter laugh. This next joke involves flowers, sympathy, and a classic case of mixed messages that’ll leave you grinning.
The Florist’s Card Mix-Up
A store owner was thrilled to receive a bouquet of flowers on the opening day of his new business.
A bouquet with a card | Source: Pexels
However, his excitement turned to confusion when he read the card attached: “Deepest Sympathy.”
Puzzled, the man called the florist to report the mistake. The florist apologized profusely and said, “I’m so sorry about that! Your card must have been sent to the funeral home instead.”
The store owner asked, “What did that card say?”
A man holding a note while making a phone call | Source: Pexels
The florist replied, “‘Congratulations on your new location.'”
Florists may have their missteps, but wait until you hear about this lawyer with a name that’s as clever as his joke. This next tale is all about wordplay and a fitting tribute with a punchline to match.
The Honest Lawyer
A lawyer named Strange ordered a tombstone inscribed, “Here lies an honest man and a lawyer.”
The stonecutter refused, saying, “It’s illegal to bury two people in one grave. But I can write, ‘Here lies an honest lawyer.'”
A man ordering a tombstone | Source: Midjourney
The lawyer protested, “How will people know it’s me?”
The stonecutter replied, “Easy. They’ll read it and say, ‘That’s Strange!'”
We’ve had clever wordplay and hilarious mix-ups, but now it’s time to finish strong with a tale of extreme conditions and an unexpected celebration. Buckle up for this finale that’s sure to leave you laughing out loud.
The Farmer in Hell
A farmer from Texas found himself in hell after he passed away. The Devil was surprised to find the farmer unfazed and smiling in the heat.
A farmer relaxing in Hell | Source: Midjourney
“Why are you so happy?” asked the Devil.
The farmer replied, “This feels just like a hot June day back home when I’m plowing my fields.”
Annoyed, the Devil increased the heat to 105 degrees with stifling humidity. Yet the farmer continued to smile no matter how high the Devil cranked up the heat.
Finally, the Devil decided to freeze hell over, setting the temperature to a bone-chilling -10 degrees.
Frozen lava | Source: Midjourney
To the Devil’s surprise, the farmer began running around and shouting with joy.
“What are you so happy about now?” the Devil demanded.
The farmer shouted, “The Cowboys must’ve won the Super Bowl!”
Whether it’s a parrot outsmarting a burglar or a farmer making the Devil sweat, these stories are sure to brighten your day.
Two women laughing together | Source: Pexels
So, share them with friends, family, or coworkers, and keep the laughter going. After all, life’s too short not to laugh out loud!
Keep the laughs coming with these jokes about bars, jobs, and quirky animals.
My Husband Made a Menu and Demands That I Cook Him Meals from It Every Day
Sarah thought her marriage was rock solid until the night she discovered a gourmet menu on the fridge, demanding she cook extravagant meals after exhausting days at work. The ensuing confrontation revealed deep cracks in their relationship, sparking a heated argument that left them both reeling.
I had always prided myself on my work ethic. As a successful project manager at a bustling tech firm, I often worked late hours and brought home projects on weekends. Despite my demanding job, I still managed to keep the household running smoothly. I juggled chores, groceries, and occasional dinners with friends.
Happy working couple | Source: Pexels
Tom, my husband, had a stable job as an accountant. He worked regular hours, rarely had to stay late, and had weekends off. Yet, he often complained about being tired and stressed. I didn’t mind taking on a bit more; I loved Tom and was committed to our marriage.
But that day, it went too far. I returned home after another grueling day at the office, my shoulders aching from the weight of my responsibilities.
As I dropped my bag by the door, I noticed something unusual on the fridge. A neatly typed menu was stuck to it with a magnet, and a handwritten note in Tom’s familiar scrawl read, “Cook it today.”
Man writing a note on a fridge | Source: Pexels
I glanced at the menu and felt my blood pressure rise. It listed gourmet meals, each more complex than the last: Beef Wellington, Coq au Vin, Lobster Thermidor. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I worked longer hours than Tom, yet he was expecting me to come home and whip up these elaborate dishes.
My initial anger simmered down to a cold determination. I picked up my phone and texted Tom.
Woman texts on her phone | Source: Pexels
“What’s with this menu on the fridge? Are you serious about me cooking all this?”
Tom’s reply came quickly. “Yeah, I thought it would be nice to have some structure and variety in our meals. You’re such a good cook, and I think you can handle it. Let me know how it goes!”
I couldn’t believe his nonchalant response. If Tom wanted gourmet meals, he would get them, but not the way he expected.
Man talking on the phone | Source: Pexels
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. This was too much. I decided to confront him when he got home.
An hour later, Tom walked in, whistling a tune. “Hey, Sarah,” he called out cheerfully.
“Hey,” I replied, my voice icy. “We need to talk.”
He looked at me, puzzled. “About what?”
Woman scolds a man | Source: Pexels
I pointed to the fridge. “About this menu.”
Tom glanced at it and then back at me, still looking confused. “What about it?”
“You expect me to cook all these meals after working all day?” I asked, my voice rising. “I barely have time to breathe, Tom.”
He shrugged. “I just thought it would be nice to have some variety. Your cooking is always on top, and I thought you’d enjoy it.”
Man with a laptop in his apartment | Source: Pexels
“Enjoy it?” I echoed, incredulous. “I barely have time to eat, let alone cook gourmet meals.”
Tom frowned. “I didn’t think it would be such a big deal.”
“Well, it is,” I snapped. “I’m exhausted, Tom. I need help, not more work.”
He looked taken aback. “I’m sorry, Sarah. I didn’t realize.”
I shook my head. “No, you didn’t. And that’s the problem.”
Couple argues during breakfast | Source: Pexels
Tom’s frown deepened. “So now it’s my fault you’re overworked? I just wanted to eat better, Sarah. Is that so wrong?”
I felt my frustration boiling over. “Wanting to eat better isn’t wrong, but expecting me to do everything is! I’m not a machine, Tom.”
“I never said you were,” he replied, his voice rising. “But you’re acting like I do nothing around here. I work too, you know.”
Couple arguing | Source: Pexels
“Yeah, you work regular hours and come home to relax. I work late, bring projects home, and still manage the house. How is that fair?”
Tom threw his hands up in exasperation. “So what do you want me to do, Sarah? Quit my job? Stay home and cook all day?”
Angry shouting man | Source: Pexels
I glared at him. “I want you to recognize how much I do and pitch in more. It’s not about quitting your job; it’s about sharing responsibilities.”
“Responsibilities?” Tom scoffed. “I handle the bills, the yard work, the car maintenance. You think that’s nothing?”
Couple arguing in the corridor | Source: Pexels
“I’m not saying it’s nothing,” I replied, my voice shaking with anger. “But it’s not everything. You don’t see the daily grind I go through. Cooking gourmet meals is just another unrealistic expectation.”
Tom’s face reddened. “Fine, maybe I don’t see everything. But you don’t appreciate what I do either. You make it sound like I’m useless.”
I clenched my fists, trying to keep my voice steady. “I’m asking for partnership, Tom. Not for you to feel useless. Why is that so hard for you to understand?”
Woman clenches her head | Source: Pexels
“Maybe because you’re always on edge,” he shot back. “It’s like nothing I do is good enough for you.”
“Because you’re not listening!” I shouted. “I’m drowning here, and all you see is your perfect little menu. It’s not about the food; it’s about feeling supported.”
Tom stood up, his chair scraping loudly against the floor. “I’m done with this conversation. I need some air.”
Frustrated woman | Source: Pexels
We stood there for a moment, but I knew this conversation wasn’t over. Tom had a lot to learn about what it took to keep our lives running smoothly. And I had to figure out how to make him understand without losing my mind in the process.
This was just the beginning.
The next few days, I went about my usual routine, but with a new plan in mind. I made a few calls and arranged everything perfectly. When Friday came, Tom walked through the door to the delicious aroma of a perfectly cooked Beef Wellington.
Beef Wellington | Source: Pexels
“Wow, this looks amazing!” Tom exclaimed as he sat down at the table.
I smiled sweetly, hiding my true intentions. “I’m glad you like it. I thought I’d start with your favorite.”
Tom took a bite and sighed contentedly. “This is fantastic. You know, if I didn’t make you do it, you’d never discover this talent. But, if I’m being honest, the beef could be a little more tender.”
Content man eating | Source: Pexels
At that moment, a man in a chef’s uniform emerged from the kitchen. “Is there something wrong with the beef, sir?” he asked, his tone polite but firm.
Tom’s fork froze halfway to his mouth. “Who are you?” he stammered.
I leaned back, enjoying the scene. “This is Chef Martin. I hired him to cook this dinner. And I paid him with the money you were saving for your new car.”
The chef | Source: Pexels
Tom’s face turned several shades of red as he struggled to find words. “You…you did what?”
“I work long hours, manage the household, and now you expect me to cook gourmet meals every day? I thought you could use a lesson in what it takes to put together a meal like this. Chef Martin is an expert, and even he can’t make the beef perfect every time. Maybe now you’ll appreciate what I do a bit more.”
Chef presents his work | Source: Pexels
Chef Martin smiled and nodded. “It’s not easy, sir. Cooking these dishes takes a lot of skill and time.”
Tom sat back, his arrogance deflated. “I’m sorry, Sarah. I didn’t realize how unfair I was being. I thought it would be nice to have these meals, but I didn’t consider how much work it would be for you.”
My expression softened slightly. “I’m glad you understand. Next time, let’s make a meal plan together that we both can manage.”
Happy couple on a rooftop | Source: Pexels
They finished their meal with a newfound respect for each other. From that day forward, Tom never made another demanding menu, and they both took turns cooking, creating simple but delicious meals together.
My Stepmom Kicked Me Out After I Stopped Cooking for Her and Her Kids—but Karma Struck Back Instantly
In the wake of personal loss, sixteen-year-old Julia discovers the trials of managing a household’s culinary needs under her stepmom’s critical eye. When her passion for cooking clashes with relentless family criticism, will Julia find a recipe for reconciliation or will the kitchen conflicts reach a boiling point?
A father hugging his daughter | Source: Pexels
Ever since my dad passed away, life has been a rollercoaster. Now, I’m living with my stepmom, Cathy, and her two kids, my stepsiblings, Martha and Frank. It’s been an adjustment, not just emotionally but in all the everyday things too.
My name is Julia, I’m 16, and like any other teen, I’m juggling high school and household chores. But there’s one chore that’s not just a task for me—it’s my passion: cooking.
A female student sitting in the classroom | Source: Pexels
I started taking cooking seriously about three years ago, finding solace and joy in creating meals just for me. It was my own little world where I could experiment and escape.
It wasn’t long before Cathy noticed my knack for cooking and decided that I could extend this ‘little hobby’ to cooking for the entire family. At first, I was on board. I thought, why not share this love with everyone?
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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