Unique divorce announcement
Dear former partner,
I trust this letter finds you in good health and high spirits. It is with mixed emotions that I communicate my decision not to return to our shared abode. Reflecting on our seven years together, it is evident that change is inevitable, and in this case, it is necessary for both of us.
The recent fortnight has been quite tumultuous, culminating in a decisive moment when your manager called to inform me of your abrupt resignation. Upon your return home a week ago, my attempt to surprise you with your favorite dish and a fresh haircut went unnoticed. Clad in a pair of brand-new silk boxers, I hoped to rekindle the connection we once shared.
Regrettably, you devoured the meal in record time, indulged in your television dramas, and retired to bed without acknowledging the effort I put into the evening. Our communication has dwindled, expressions of love have become scarce, and our intimacy is but a distant memory. Whether this stems from infidelity or a loss of affection, I have chosen to part ways.
Wishing you a fulfilling journey ahead, your former partner.
P.S. Please refrain from attempting to locate me; your sister and I have decided to start anew in West Virginia. May life bring you joy.
To my previous spouse,
Your letter has undeniably added a touch of humor to my day. Despite the seven years of marriage, your perception of yourself as a kind and wonderful man hasn’t always aligned with reality.
Television dramas have been my escape from the constant complaints, although their effectiveness is inconsistent.
I did notice your new haircut last week, though my initial thought was that it had a surprisingly feminine touch!
My preference for TV dramas aside, I had to keep quiet about your attempt at preparing my favorite dinner since I gave up pork seven years ago. As for the silk boxers, the $49.99 price tag raised an eyebrow, especially considering my sister borrowed $50 from me that very morning.
Despite our differences, I held on to the belief that our love could endure. Imagine my surprise when, following my $10 million lottery win, I returned home to find you gone.
Everything happens for a reason, and I genuinely hope you find the fulfilling life you’ve always sought. Please be aware that, as per my attorney, you won’t be receiving any money from me.
Wishing you luck on your journey, your ex-wife, liberated and prosperous.
P.S. In case I haven’t mentioned it before, my sister Carla was born Carl. I trust this revelation won’t pose any issues.
I Paid an Actor to Be My ‘Groom’ at a Fake Wedding to Get Revenge on My Ex, but Then We Had a Dramatic Plot Twist
I hired an actor to be my “groom” at a fake wedding, all to get revenge on my cheating ex. But as we stood at the altar, exchanging fake vows and a not-so-fake kiss, I never could have predicted how this elaborate charade would completely upend my life.
I never thought I’d be the kind of person to stage a fake wedding for revenge. But there I was, staring at my phone, scrolling through photos of Charlie and Samantha’s latest date night. My stomach churned.
“Screw this,” I muttered, tossing my phone aside. That’s when the idea hit me. If Charlie wanted to flaunt his new relationship, I’d show him I could do one better.
I called my cousin Tess. “Hey, you still friends with that actor guy?”
“Ryan? Yeah, why?”
“I need a favor. A big one.”
Two days later, I was sitting across from Ryan in a coffee shop, outlining my ridiculous plan.
“So let me get this straight,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “You want me to pretend to be your fiancé at a fake wedding?”
I nodded, feeling a bit ridiculous. “I know it sounds crazy, but —”
“I’m in,” Ryan interrupted, a mischievous glint in his eye. “Sounds like fun.”
Over the next few weeks, I threw myself into wedding planning. Dress shopping, venue booking, inviting friends who were in on the plan — it was exhausting but exhilarating.
“You sure about this, Nat?” my friend Kira asked as we picked out flowers.
“Absolutely,” I lied, trying to ignore the knot in my stomach.
I nodded, and our lips met. It was just acting, I told myself, ignoring the unexpected flutter in my chest.
After the ceremony, we posed for countless photos. Ryan’s arm around my waist felt oddly comforting.
“You’re a natural,” I murmured as we smiled for another shot.
“What can I say? I’m a method actor,” he winked.
That night, I posted a flurry of wedding photos on social media. “Found my true love,” I captioned one. “New beginnings,” on another.
“Are you sure about this?” Kira asked when I told her. “It’s not just part of the act?”
“It’s real,” I assured her. “Unexpected, but real.”
Things were going great until Charlie found out. He started spreading rumors that our relationship was a sham, that I was paying Ryan to be with me.
When Ryan heard, he was upset. “I thought we were past all this,” he said, his voice tight.
“We are!” I insisted. “Charlie’s just being a jerk.”
I smiled, watching Ryan chat animatedly with the photographer. “Sometimes the craziest plans lead to the best outcomes,” I mused.
As I reflect on everything that’s happened, I can’t help but marvel at the journey. What started as a misguided attempt at revenge led me to true love and personal growth I never expected.
Life has a funny way of working out sometimes. And while I wouldn’t recommend staging a fake wedding as a path to happiness, I can’t regret the choices that led me here — to Ryan, to love, and to a future brighter than I ever imagined.
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