I grew up believing that my father blamed me for my mother’s death but the truth was heartbreaking.
I never knew my mother, and my father never spoke about her. All I knew was that she had been very beautiful, because of the picture that hung on my father’s study wall, and that she had died very young.
My father was a sad man, a quiet and distant man. I wanted him to notice me, and to love me, but he never did. He rarely spoke to me beyond the perfunctory hello and goodbye, good morning and goodnight. I would have given anything for him to sweep me into his arms and tell me he loved me.
The shadow of my mother’s death followed me my whole life | Source: Shutterstock.com
This strange and strained relationship with my father continued until I was 18, and by then I was a sad and lonely young woman who believed my father hated me. If my father didn’t love me, who would?
But the answer to all my questions was about to be delivered in the most painful and cruel way. My father was hosting a party for his business associates, and among them was a woman whom I knew slightly.
If you don’t leave the past behind you, you deny yourself a future.
I had the feeling that she and my father had a past together — or at least that she wished they did. She greeted me and we started chatting — inconsequential talk about nothing special — and my father walked by.
I gave him my best smile, but he immediately glanced away. The woman saw it all. “Do you know why?” she asked.
I grew up feeling that my father hated me | Source: Unsplash
“Why what?” I asked, confused.
“Why he hates you,” she said.
“My father doesn’t hate me!” I exclaimed. “He’s just not a very demonstrative man.”
“So you don’t know…” she smiled. It was the ugliest smile I’d ever seen. I was about to walk away when she said, “He believes you killed your mother, Karen.”
One day at a party someone told me the truth | Source: Unsplash
I stopped in my tracks. “What?” I gasped.
“Your mother died giving birth to you, surely you know that?” she said.
“No…” I answered. “No, I didn’t know.” I turned my back on her and went looking for my grandmother, my father’s mother, the woman who’d raised me and never told me about my mother’s death.
“How did my mother die?” I asked her angrily. “Was it in childbirth?”
My mother had died in childbirth | Source: Pexels
My grandmother shook her head. “Please Karen, your father asked me never to speak of this with you.”
“I have the right to know about my own mother!” I cried. “I have the right to know why my father hates me!”
Then a quiet angry voice behind me said, “I don’t hate you, Karen, but your mother’s death is none of your business:”
I turned to face my father. “My mother’s death is none of my business? You’re wrong! I killed her, didn’t I? That’s what you think each time you look at me!”
My father blamed me for her death | Source: Unsplash
The expression in his eyes sent me running out of the door. I got into my car and drove aimlessly, tears running down my face. In my distress, I didn’t see the oncoming car changing lanes until it was too late.
I woke up in the hospital linked to a beeping machine, with a dull promise of pain twinging through my whole body. Sitting by my side and holding my hand was my father.
“Karen,” he said softly, “Thank God you’re alright!”
“Daddy…” I whispered, “you’re here!”
Tears came into his eyes. “Of course I’m here. I don’t hate you, Karen. I love you. And I don’t blame you for your mother’s death, I blame myself. When your mom and I married we were very poor.
“All we had were dreams and our love for each other. Then she fell pregnant and I took on a second job. I knew we’d need the money when you came along. I was working 16-hour days and she spent a lot of time alone.
“So one day when I came home she wasn’t there. A neighbor had taken her to the hospital. When I got there it was all over. Your mother had died, and I hadn’t been there for her.
The accident nearly cost me my life | Source: Pexels
“I didn’t blame you, Karen, I blamed myself. I was determined I wasn’t going to fail you the way I’d failed her, so I threw myself into my work, and I became a rich man.
“Daddy, how could you blame yourself?” I asked. “There was nothing you could have done!”
“I could have been there, holding her hand the way I’m holding yours now,” he said.
“But daddy…” I hesitated, “you were always so angry with me, so cold. You ran away from me.”
My father and I were reconciled | Source: Unsplash
“Karen, you look just like your mother, and each time I looked at you, my heart was torn apart by grief and guilt. It took nearly losing you to make me realize what I’d done. I love you.”
For the first time in my life, my father put his arms around me and showed me that he loved me. It was a new beginning for both of us, and I like to believe my mother was smiling down from heaven.
What can we learn from this story?
- If you don’t leave the past behind you, you deny yourself a future. Karen’s father was so lost in his pain that he nearly lost the opportunity to have a wonderful relationship with his daughter.
- The truth can heal old wounds and open the way to a new beginning. It was only after Karen and her father spoke about their estrangement that they could move past their misunderstandings.
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If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about a man who left his widowed mother homeless.
This account is inspired by our reader’s story but written by a professional writer. All names have been changed to protect identities and ensure privacy. Share your story with us, maybe it will change someone’s life.
I OPENED THE DOOR ON HALLOWEEN — I SAW A LITTLE GIRL IN THE DRESS MY MISSING HUSBAND HAD SEWN FOR OUR DAUGHTER.
The crisp autumn air held the familiar scent of woodsmoke and decaying leaves, a bittersweet reminder of Halloweens past. This year, the porch light flickered erratically, casting long, dancing shadows that mirrored the unease gnawing at my heart. Carl, my husband, had vanished six months ago, leaving behind a void that no amount of pumpkin-spice lattes or spooky decorations could fill.
Halloween had always been our holiday. Carl, with his nimble fingers and love for theatrics, would craft elaborate costumes for our daughter, Emily. This year, I’d tried my best, piecing together a fairy princess outfit from store-bought materials. Emily, bless her heart, had pretended to be thrilled, but the absence of Carl’s handcrafted magic was palpable.
I sent Emily off with her friends, a pang of guilt mixed with a desperate need for her to experience some semblance of normalcy. Then, I settled in for the night, a bowl of candy beside me, the silence of the house amplified by the approaching darkness.
The first ring of the doorbell was a jolt, a sudden intrusion into my solitude. “Trick or treat!” a chorus of small voices echoed. I opened the door, a forced smile plastered on my face.
And then, I froze.
Standing before me was a little girl, no older than Emily, dressed in a familiar outfit. A vibrant red coat, with a bouncy, midnight-blue cape, fastened with a silver clasp shaped like a crescent moon. It was the exact design Carl had created for Emily’s fifth Halloween. The same fabric, the same intricate stitching, the same whimsical details. My breath hitched.
“That’s a beautiful costume you have, sweetheart,” I managed, my voice trembling. “Where did you get it?”
The little girl beamed, her eyes sparkling with innocent pride. “My dad made it!”
The world tilted. It couldn’t be. It was impossible. Yet, the costume was undeniably Carl’s handiwork. A cold dread seeped into my bones, mingling with a flicker of desperate hope.
“Sweetheart, where’s your house?” I asked, kneeling down, trying to steady my voice. “I’d love to ask your dad how he made such a lovely costume.”
The girl pointed down the street, towards a row of dimly lit houses. “It’s the yellow one with the big oak tree.”
“Thank you, darling,” I said, handing her a handful of candy. “Have a happy Halloween.”
I closed the door, my heart pounding against my ribs. I couldn’t just let this go. I grabbed my keys, a trembling hand dialing Emily’s friend’s mother. “Can you keep Emily a little longer?” I asked, my voice strained. “I have to… run an errand.”
I drove down the street, the yellow house with the big oak tree looming in the darkness. The porch light was on, casting a warm glow on the Halloween decorations. I parked down the block, my hands clammy.
Taking a deep breath, I walked up the driveway. The doorbell chimed, a cheerful melody that felt grotesquely out of place.
The door opened, revealing a woman with tired eyes and a kind smile. “Trick or treaters already?” she asked, her voice warm.
“I’m sorry, I’m not here for candy,” I said, my voice barely a whisper. “My name is Sarah. I saw your daughter’s costume. It… it looks like one my husband used to make.”
The woman’s smile faltered. “Oh, that? My husband made it. He’s very talented.”
“Could I… could I see him?” I asked, my voice cracking.
The woman hesitated, then stepped aside. “Of course. He’s in the garage.”
I followed her through the house, my footsteps echoing on the polished floor. The garage door was slightly ajar, a sliver of light spilling out. I pushed it open.
And there he was.
Carl.
He was sitting at a workbench, surrounded by rolls of fabric and spools of thread. He looked different, thinner, his eyes shadowed. But it was him.
“Carl?” I whispered, my voice thick with tears.
He looked up, his eyes widening in shock. “Sarah?”
The woman, standing behind me, gasped. “You know her?”
“She’s… she’s my wife,” Carl said, his voice hoarse.
The woman’s face crumpled. “But… you told me…”
“I know,” Carl said, his voice filled with regret. “I’m so sorry.”
The story that unfolded was a tangled web of amnesia, guilt, and a desperate attempt to start over. Carl had been in a car accident six months ago, suffering a head injury that wiped his memory clean. He had wandered, lost and confused, until he found himself in this town, where the woman, a widow, had taken him in. They had fallen in love, built a life together, a life built on a lie.
He had no recollection of me, of Emily, of our life together. The costume, he explained, was a subconscious echo of his past, a skill he had retained without knowing why.
The woman, her heart broken, understood. She knew she couldn’t keep him. She knew he belonged with me, with Emily.
The reunion was bittersweet. Carl, a stranger in his own life, struggled to reconcile the man he was with the man he had become. Emily, though overjoyed to have her father back, was confused by his distant demeanor.
It was a long, arduous process, filled with tears, frustration, and tentative steps forward. We rebuilt our life, piece by piece, like Carl’s costumes, stitching together fragments of the past with the threads of the present.
Halloween, once a symbol of our lost happiness, became a symbol of our resilience. We learned that even in the darkest of times, hope can flicker like a porch light, guiding us home.
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