According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
My Stepdaughter Surprised Me with a Car for My 55th Birthday, Discovering What Was Inside the Glove Box Left Me Speechless
Receiving a car from my stepdaughter, Emily, on my 55th birthday was the last thing I expected, especially given our rocky relationship. She handed me the keys and mentioned there was another surprise in the glove compartment. What I found inside changed everything between us.
Being a stepmom often feels like a balancing act, trying to be a parent without overstepping boundaries. For ten years, I navigated this tightrope with Emily. I met her father, David, at work, and after becoming friends, we started dating. He had lost his wife a year before we met, and his focus was on Emily, his cherished daughter. As our relationship deepened, I wondered about our future together. David expressed his love for me but worried about how Emily would react to a new stepmother.
When I married David, I knew it would be complicated. Emily was only 12 and still grieving her mother. My first meeting with her was tense; she barely spoke and quickly retreated to her room. This set the tone for our relationship. I tried my best to connect, but she remained distant, polite but always keeping me at arm’s length.
I remember putting together a surprise party for her 13th birthday, hoping it would help us bond. Although she smiled at the decorations, she still held back emotionally, creating a barrier between us. Despite the challenges, David and I were happy together. However, everything changed when David died in a car accident five years ago, leaving Emily and me to navigate our grief alone.
In that dark time, I promised to be there for Emily. But even as we became each other’s only family, I sensed that she merely tolerated me. As she grew more independent, starting a career in marketing, our interactions felt more like a formality than a genuine connection. I longed for a warm relationship, but it often felt one-sided.
Last Thanksgiving was particularly hard; Emily barely acknowledged me at a family gathering, deepening my feelings of being an outsider. So, when Emily called just before my birthday to take me out for a special dinner, I felt a flicker of hope. She picked me up in a sleek red convertible, and I thought it might finally be a sign of her acceptance.
When she handed me the keys, her voice felt distant and flat, almost like she was just fulfilling an obligation. I managed to thank her, but the dinner felt awkward and forced. It was hard to shake the feeling that the car was more of a way to alleviate her guilt than a genuine gift.
As we parked, Emily mentioned another surprise in the glove compartment. My heart raced as I opened it, revealing a stack of drawings from her childhood. My breath caught as I saw the stick-figure versions of us, with me labeled as “Mom” and captions like “Mom and Me”.
Tears filled my eyes as the realization hit: Emily had seen me as her mom all along, despite the distance between us. When I expressed my shock, she admitted she loved me but felt guilty calling me “Mom” because of her birth mother.
In that moment, the walls that had stood between us for years crumbled. We embraced tightly, tears streaming down our faces. That evening, we shared everything—our fears, doubts, and cherished moments. Finally, I felt the deep bond of a mother and daughter.
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