Eight years of marriage shattered in one quick breath when my husband Mike brought home his pregnant sidekick and KICKED ME OUT of the house. I packed alright, but what I unpacked was a revenge plot so brilliant and karmic!
Portrait of a sad young woman | Source: Midjourney
It was a Tuesday evening when my life decided to go off the rails. I walked into our living room, tired from a long day at work, only to find a heavily pregnant woman sitting on our couch, eating chips.
At first, I thought maybe I’d accidentally wandered into the wrong house.
But no, there was our ugly floral wallpaper that Mike insisted on keeping, and there was Mike, looking like he’d just swallowed a porcupine.
A pregnant woman sitting on the couch | Source: Midjourney
“Hey, Michelle,” he said, his voice as casual as if he was asking me to pass the salt. “We need to talk.”
I stood there, frozen, my brain trying to compute the scene before me. The pregnant woman smiled awkwardly, her hand on her belly, looking like she was auditioning for a soap opera.
“This is Jessica,” Mike continued, gesturing to the human incubator on our couch. “She’s pregnant. With my child. It… it just happened. And we’ve decided to be together.”
A woman gaping in shock | Source: Midjourney
I waited for the punchline. Surely, this was some elaborate prank for a new reality TV show. Maybe I’d win a car if I didn’t freak out?
But Mike’s face remained serious, and Jessica kept smiling that infuriating smile.
“Mike,” I said slowly, “what do you mean by ‘it just happened’? Did you trip and fall into her—?”
Mike had the audacity to look offended. “Enough, Michelle! This is serious. I think it’s best if you move out. You can go stay with your mom. Jess and I’ll take over the house.”
A serious-looking man sitting on the couch | Source: Midjourney
I blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. Nope, still not a dream.
I was half-expecting Ashton Kutcher to jump out and tell me I’d been Punk’d. But alas, no Ashton. Just my cheating husband and his very pregnant sidekick.
“Alright,” I calmly said. “I’ll pack my things and leave.”
Mike looked relieved, probably thinking he’d gotten off easy. Jessica’s smile grew wider, like she’d just won the lottery. Little did they know, the lottery was about to hit them back, and hit them hard.
A heartbroken woman at the doorway | Source: Midjourney
I went upstairs, packed a suitcase with some essentials, and left without another word.
As I drove to my mom’s house, the shock wore off, and rage took its place. But this wasn’t just any rage. This was the kind of rage that makes you want to do something spectacularly stupid and incredibly satisfying.
The next day, I set my plan in motion.
First stop: the bank. I marched in there like a woman on a mission, which I was. I froze our joint account faster than you can say “cheating jerk.”
The look on the bank manager’s face when I explained why was priceless. I’m pretty sure he was mentally taking notes for his next novel.
A woman outside a bank | Source: Midjourney
Next, I visited a locksmith.
I remembered overhearing Mike tell Jessica they’d be gone for three days, giving me plenty of time to execute my master plan. It was like the universe was conspiring in my favor, and who was I to argue with destiny?
My next stop: my house. The same cozy house Mike and I once lived together, planning a future that was now a total trainwreck.
The puzzled locksmith probably thought I was crazy, cackling as I had him change all the locks on the house. I may have gone a bit overboard and asked for the most complicated, high-tech locks available. Hey, if I was going to do this, I was going to do it right. And big.
A locksmith fixing a door lock | Source: Midjourney
Then came the movers.
I gave them the spare keys and scheduled them to pack up everything I owned, which was basically everything in the house. I even took the toilet paper. Let’s see how Mike and Jessica enjoy using leaves!
But the piece de resistance? Oh, that was yet to come. I had a brilliant idea that would make this revenge not just sweet, but long-lasting.
Toilet paper rolls in a basket | Source: Midjourney
I sent out party invitations. Lots of them. To Mike’s family, our friends, his coworkers, even that nosy neighbor who always complained about our late dog.
The invitation read: “Come celebrate Mike’s new life! Surprise party at our house, tomorrow at 7 p.m.!”
A party invitation | Source: Midjourney
Then, I commissioned a billboard. Yes, a billboard. A huge one. It was delivered and set up on our front lawn, impossible to miss.
In giant, bold letters, it proclaimed: “Congratulations on Dumping Me for Your Pregnant Mistress, Mike! Hope the Baby Doesn’t Inherit Your Infidelity!”
I stepped back to admire my handiwork, feeling like a mischievous fairy godmother who’d just granted the world’s most ironic wish. With a satisfied smirk and a dramatic hair flip, I sashayed away from the scene, eagerly anticipating the chaos that was about to unfold.
A billboard outside a house | Source: Midjourney
The next evening, right on cue, my phone rang. It was Mike, and he sounded like he was having an aneurysm.
“Michelle!” he screeched, his voice hitting octaves I didn’t know he could reach. “What the hell is going on? Why are there people at our house? And what’s with this insane billboard?”
“Oh, that?” I said, trying to sound innocent. “Just a little housewarming party for you and Jessica. Don’t you like the decorations?”
“Decorations? It’s a freaking circus out here! And why can’t I get into the house?”
A startled man talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
I couldn’t help but giggle. “Well, honey, you told me to move out, remember? You never said anything about you staying there. I just remembered that the house is solely under my name. So, I changed the locks. Oopsie!”
There was a long silence on the other end. I could almost hear the gears in his tiny brain trying to process what was happening.
“Where are we supposed to go?” he finally sputtered.
“Gee, I don’t know, Mike. Maybe Jessica’s mom would love to have you? I hear pregnancy hormones and in-laws mix really well.”
A smiling woman talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
I hung up, feeling lighter than I had in years. But wait, there was more!
In the days that followed, I had the utilities cut off, canceled the cable, and made sure all our joint assets were transferred into my name. I listed the house for sale, making sure to mention in the listing that it came with a “bonus front lawn art installation.”
I had Mike served with divorce papers at work. I specifically requested the mailman to dress up as a pregnant woman. Just for funsies.
But the universe wasn’t done with Mike yet. Oh no, it had saved the best for last.
A man gaping in shock as he holds some papers | Source: Midjourney
A week later, I got a call from Jessica. Yes, that Jessica. She was crying so hard I could barely understand her.
“Michelle,” she sobbed, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know… I mean, Mike told me you two were separated. And now… now he’s broke and homeless, and I’m pregnant, and I don’t know what to do!”
I almost felt bad for her. Almost.
“Well, Jessica,” I said, trying to keep the glee out of my voice, “I hear the circus is always looking for new acts. Maybe you two could start a juggling duo? You juggle the baby, he juggles his lies?”
She didn’t appreciate my humor. Tsk! Tsk!
Silhouette of a pregnant woman holding a smartphone | Source: Midjourney
As it turns out, when Jessica found out that Mike was now homeless, broke, and the laughingstock of the town, she decided that maybe being with a guy who had no money, no house, and no future wasn’t such a great idea after all.
She dumped him faster than you can say “Karma’s a b****!”
Last I heard, Mike was living in a tiny apartment, trying to scrape together enough money to pay bills and feed his hungry belly. His family had cut him off, disgusted by his behavior.
They even sent me a fruit basket and a sorry card. I ate the fruits while soaking in my new jacuzzi.
As for me? Well, the house sold for a nice profit. I moved to a beautiful new place, started my own business, and adopted a cat. I named him Karma.
A woman with her pet cat | Source: Midjourney
So yeah, my revenge might have been a bit over the top. But let’s be real, bringing home a pregnant mistress and trying to kick me out of my own house? That’s not just crossing a line, that’s pole-vaulting over it and then setting the pole on fire.
In the end, I learned a valuable lesson: When life gives you lemons, don’t just make lemonade. Squeeze those lemons into the eyes of those who wronged you, and then sit back and watch them stumble around blindly. It’s much more satisfying.
And remember, folks: cheaters never prosper, but the cheated-on with a good sense of humor and a flair for the dramatic? Oh, we do just fine!
A cheerful woman smiling | Source: Midjourney
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
12 Beauty Tricks That Make French Women Naturally Charming
In every country, women have their own secrets for how to stay young and beautiful. But French women have the most natural charm in the world because they somehow manage to look 18 at the age of 42, like Audrey Tautou. Of course there are no universal tips that can help everyone, but French women definitely have some useful habits that help them stay charming at any age.
Bright Side has discovered the secrets of the beauty routine that almost all French women follow.
12. They don’t use contouring.
French women don’t like contouring because it hides the natural features of the face and looks unnatural. What they do love is a little bronzer on the cheeks to make themselves look fresh and shiny.
11. They don’t mind imperfection.
If you take a closer look at French women and their style, you will notice that almost all of them prefer a little messiness. It may be about hair, it may be about their accessories, like a scarf, or the way their clothes are sewn. This allows them to look natural and free, as if they don’t do anything special to look beautiful.
10. They prefer red lips.
You can always brighten up your appearance by using red lipstick. Women from Paris are completely convinced of this: it does not matter what your style is, you could be wearing torn jeans and a T-shirt or a dress with a huge hat. But adding red lipstick will immediately elevate any look.
9. They don’t get French manicures.
True French women never have “the perfect manicure” that took several hours to apply. Because this would send the message that you actually had to spend an immense amount of time, and money, on something so small.
Parisian women think that it is unnecessary, because they were already born beautiful and they are not going to spend hours on something so trivial. So, the most popular nail style among French women is short nails with clear polish or no polish at all. The same goes for their pedicure.
8. They have a hair styling secret.
French women prefer to not damage their hair and they don’t use a hair dryer or a flat iron every day. They mostly use expensive products — all of them have their favorite hair masks, and oil for their hair, and also a good hairbrush made of natural materials.
This is what they do to hair in France: they wash it and let it dry without a hair dryer, and the next day, when it becomes smooth, they style it.
7. Their makeup bag is not full of products.
French women have only 2 lipsticks: one natural color, and a red one for a great mood or an evening out.
They choose a light powder and a foundation to make their skin shine. But they don’t reapply it every hour, mostly so they don’t look like a wall with plaster on it. Healthy skin is supposed to shine just a little. They consider this is beautiful and natural.
Eye makeup only means mascara on the eyelashes. In the evening, they might add a messy, smoky eye effect. But it is supposed to be imperfect with that French element of messiness.
So, the 6 products in a French woman’s bag include: a good foundation, a powder with a shine, a mascara, an eyeliner, and 2 lipsticks. Now that’s an idea everyone should try!
6. They spend good money on haircuts.
Women in France are sure of one thing: you can wear €10 clothes and nobody will ever know that they are cheap, but get a cheap haircut once and your appearance will be completely ruined. This is why they are ready to pay a fortune to a good hairstylist and they go back to the same person for many years.
Also, a good haircut doesn’t need any fixing, so you don’t have to style your hair every day, only on very special occasions.
5. They have a simple beauty routine.
If there is one thing a French woman really needs it’s expensive cosmetics like a good face cleanser, a sunscreen, and a moisturizer. They will often add different oils for body and hair to this list.
In France, women live according to “the less is more” principle. They use just a few cosmetic products, but the ones they use are expensive.
So, when it comes to peels that are used all over the world, French women don’t really use them. They prefer masks, they use them really often, and they use a lot of different kinds — because good masks restore and rejuvenate the skin.
4. They believe in natural eyebrows.
You will never see a real French woman who has very heavy eyebrows that are an unnaturally dark color. Instead, they take good care of their eyebrows, making sure that they stay healthy, big, and thick.
They may put a little makeup on their eyebrows, but most of the time they don’t even do that. They just use some gel for styling.
3. They don’t diet.
Not a single French women in her right mind would ever start a diet. They are completely sure: the short-term effect of a calorie deficit is not only not worth the effort, but will also damage the skin because of the lack of vitamins.
For them, the main secret to having a beautiful body is eating a little. They eat anything they want, but not a lot of it. And when they feel that they are full, they just stop eating, not feeling forced to finish the meal.
However, French women do try to avoid an excess of sugar in their diet because it damages the skin. But they are not afraid of foods with a lot of fat.
2. They believe in the power of cold showers.
French women know about the importance of having a cold shower after a hot bath. This stimulates the blood circulation and helps to keep the skin toned. As a result, they always look fresh and cool.
1. They accept themselves as they are, flaws and all.
French women rarely need the services of plastic surgeons. It is very unlikely that you will meet an actress, a model, or a fashion blogger in Paris who has a fake nose, cheekbones, or lips that have fillers.
French women learn to accept themselves as they are, flaws and all. This is what makes them so different and alive. This is why French women are always able to highlight their advantages and their uniqueness.
Do you have your own tricks for how to stay beautiful that have been passed on from generation to generation? Share them with us!
Please note: This article was updated in April 2022 to correct source material and factual inaccuracies.
Preview photo credit kyliejenner / Instagram, East News
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