I was shocked when my husband, Jake, handed me a schedule to help me “become a better wife.” But instead of losing my temper, I decided to play along. Little did Jake know, I was about to teach him a lesson that would make him rethink his new idea of marriage.
I’ve always been the calm and reasonable one in our relationship. Jake, on the other hand, can easily get caught up in new trends or ideas, whether it’s a hobby or a YouTube video that claims to change his life in just a few easy steps.
Jake and I were fine until he met Steve. Steve was the type of guy who thought being loud made him right. He’d talk over anyone who tried to correct him. He was also always single (no surprise there), but that didn’t stop him from giving relationship advice to all his married friends, including Jake. Jake, who should’ve known better, was impressed by Steve’s confidence.
I didn’t worry about it much at first, but then Jake started saying things like, “Steve says marriages work best when the wife handles the household,” or “Steve thinks women should always look good for their husbands, no matter how long they’ve been married.” I’d roll my eyes and make sarcastic comments, but it was bothering me. Jake was changing. He’d raise an eyebrow if I ordered takeout instead of cooking, and he’d sigh if I let the laundry pile up—forgetting that I also had a full-time job.
Then one night, it happened. Jake came home with The List.
He sat me down, unfolded a piece of paper, and slid it across the table. “I’ve been thinking,” he began, sounding condescending in a way I’d never heard before. “You’re a great wife, Lisa, but there’s room for improvement.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Oh really?”
He nodded, not realizing he was walking into dangerous territory. “Yeah, Steve helped me realize that our marriage could be even better if you, you know, stepped up a bit.”
I looked at the paper in front of me. It was a schedule, titled “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife.” Jake had actually written out a plan for me based on what Steve—a single guy with no relationship experience—thought I should do to “improve” as a wife.
I was supposed to wake up at 5 a.m. every day to make Jake a gourmet breakfast, then go to the gym to “stay in shape.” After that? Cleaning, laundry, ironing—all before heading to work. Every evening, I was to cook dinner from scratch and make snacks for Jake and his friends when they came over. It was sexist and insulting on so many levels, I didn’t know where to start. I just stared at Jake, wondering if he had lost his mind.
“This will be great for you, and us,” he continued, unaware.
“Steve says it’s important to have structure, and I think you could benefit from—”
“Benefit from what?” I interrupted, keeping my voice calm. Jake blinked, surprised, but quickly recovered.
“Well, from having some guidance and a schedule.”
I wanted to throw the paper in his face, but instead, I surprised myself—I smiled.
“You’re right, Jake,” I said sweetly. “I’m lucky you made me this schedule. I’ll start tomorrow.”
He looked relieved, and I almost felt sorry for him as I stuck the list on the fridge. Almost. He had no idea what was coming.
The next day, I looked at the ridiculous schedule and smiled. If Jake thought he could hand me a list of “improvements,” he was about to learn a lesson. I opened my laptop and started a new document titled, “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” If he wanted perfection from me, there was a cost.
I started by listing all the things he’d suggested for me, beginning with the gym. “$1,200 for a personal trainer,” I typed, barely holding back a laugh.
Next was the food. If Jake wanted gourmet meals, that wasn’t happening with our current grocery budget. Organic, non-GMO, free-range everything? That wasn’t cheap. “$700 per month for groceries,” I wrote. And if he wanted fancy meals, he’d need cooking lessons too—those were expensive.
I leaned back, laughing as I imagined his face when he saw this. But I wasn’t done. The best part was yet to come.
There was no way I could manage all these demands and keep my job. If Jake wanted me to follow his absurd schedule full-time, he’d have to cover my lost income. I calculated my salary and added it to the list. “$75,000 per year to replace Lisa’s salary since she will now be your full-time maid, chef, and personal assistant.”
By now, I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt.
And just for fun, I added a note about expanding the house. If Jake was going to have friends over all the time, they’d need a separate space. “$50,000 to build a man cave so Jake and his friends don’t disrupt Lisa’s new routine.”
I printed out the list, set it on the kitchen counter, and waited for Jake to come home. When he arrived, he was in a good mood.
“Hey, babe,” he called, spotting the paper. “What’s this?”
Keeping a straight face, I said, “Oh, just a little list to help you become the best husband ever.”
He chuckled, thinking I was playing along, but as he read the list, his smile faded. “$1,200 for a trainer? $700 a month for groceries? What the hell, Lisa?”
I crossed my arms. “Well, you want me to follow your plan, right? I figured we should budget for it.”
His face turned pale as he flipped through the pages. “$75,000 a year? You’re quitting your job?”
“How else can I follow your plan?” I asked. “I can’t work and be the perfect wife, right?”
Jake looked stunned. The numbers and the absurdity of his demands hit him all at once. His smugness disappeared, replaced by the realization that he had messed up.
“I didn’t mean for it to be like this,” he stammered. “I just thought—”
“You thought you could ‘fix’ me like a project?” I said, my voice calm but firm. “Jake, marriage is about respect. And if you ever try to ‘fix’ me like this again, it’ll cost you a lot more than what’s on that paper.”
There was a long silence. Jake sighed and looked at me, defeated.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t realize how ridiculous it was. Steve made it sound reasonable, but now I see… it’s toxic. I’ve been such a fool.”
I nodded. “Yes, you have. And honestly, Steve has no idea what he’s talking about. Why would you listen to him?”
Jake’s face softened as the truth hit him. “You’re right. He has no clue.”
We tore up both lists, and for the first time in weeks, I felt like we were back on the same team. It was a reminder that marriage isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being better together.
Can You Guess What These Old-Timey Objects Were Used For?
Today, let’s have a little game! What purpose did these vintage items serve, do you know? These enigmatic things, which range from strange equipment to unusual decorative pieces, may leave you perplexed. Don’t worry, though; try it and see if you can envision what people in earlier eras did with these fascinating objects.
Guessing Game: Are You Able to Recognize These Strange Items?
First Item: The Coin Gatherer
First up, we have a mixed-metal object with connectors on the sides and slots on top. Do you know what it was used for in the past?
You’re 100% correct if you assumed it was a coin collector! Conductors of trains and buses would deposit the fares into the slots and then pick up the neatly arranged coins from the bottom. They could fasten it to their belts using the hooks on the sides. Remarkably, a contemporary rendition of this is still in use at a few locations where admission is free of charge. Pretty smart, huh?
The Sand-Filled Swim Cap is item #2.
This is an intriguing cap with chin straps, a blue interior, and a feminine printed pattern. Would you want to guess? Here’s a hint: it has sand inside of it!
Actually, this peculiar headgear is an antique handmade swim cap. People used to love modeling swim caps after the aviatrix fashion trend back in the 1920s. However, home sewers had trouble finding rubber ingredients. They then devised a clever fix: the cap was filled with sand, and the channels and stitches were machine-sewn. Why the sand? As a water blocker, it lets swimmers select their own fabric pattern rather than being restricted to yellow or black rubber. Undoubtedly a novel strategy!
The Iron Flue Damper is item #3.
Now look at this iron object that has two stamps on it. Along an iron post with a spiraling end, the iron plate swivels. Any suggestions?
You’re exactly right if you assumed it to be an iron flue damper! Even though they are rarely seen, these iron flue dampers are still in use today. We enjoy finding unique artifacts that are a part of our past when we go antique shopping. It resembles going back in time!
The Victorian Shop Dispenser (Item #4)
Admire this metal box with a beveled glass front and elaborate gold stenciling. It even features a tiny sliding door with a dog picture on it. How do you suppose it was put to use?
Actually, this graceful box is a Victorian-style shop dispenser. It came in several sizes and was intended for bulk sales. This one had a label insert for gunpowder, but it may have also been used for bulk commodities like sugar or confectionery. Customers could see the quality of the products they were buying because to the glass front. Why was there a picture of dogs hunting? Well, since the purpose was to hold gunpowder exclusively, it’s merely an ornamental touch. This is a very fascinating essay, isn’t it?
The Cedar Butter Churn is item #5.
Take a look at this big wooden drum with a handle, a footed base, and a lid. There’s a crank on the side of it also. Any ideas about what it’s meant to accomplish?
This wooden drum is a butter churn made of cedar. To produce more butter, it was utilized. It says “Farm Master Dairy Supplies” on the other side. However, we didn’t want to reveal anything too quickly! Knowing about these antiquated gadgets truly transports us to a bygone era of ease.
The Soda Bottle Stand is item #6.
Look at this three-tiered metal stand for a moment. Each tier has a notch carved out of it. It is nearly four feet tall and supports itself on three legs. What was the purpose of it, do you suppose?
The purpose of this booth was to showcase Coke bottles—but not just any soda. Nehi purposely made it as part of their marketing strategy for their soda bottles. With their handy necks, the bottles fit well in the triangle shape with the notches. These stands used to be found in grocery stores and local stores during the Great Depression. They were really impressive!
There you have it, then! These enigmatic objects transport us through time and serve as a reminder of the inventiveness and resourcefulness of earlier generations. How many of those were accurate guesses, then?
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